Thursday, June 30, 2016

Asking the Divine

A friend of mine asked me a question about healing yesterday.  If you haven’t noticed by now, the subject of healing is a particular passion of mine.  When I heard Caroline Myss say, many years ago, “Why don’t we heal?”  I literally bolted up straight in my chair will all senses humming.  What I didn’t fully understand then, but I have learned to embrace now, is that I am a healer.  You think I would have clued into that fact when the only thing I truly thrill about in life, revolves around this topic.  

I did some healing work on this same friend recently.  She reports that she no longer has the chronic pain that had prevented her from doing the things she enjoys in life.  For example, she has started to do yoga again, an activity that she had dearly missed.  This story is not an uncommon one in my life.  It is a typical outcome of the work that I do.


I find healing to be a complex, infuriating, awe-inspiring-beyond-words subject. I have thought about it, talked about it, ranted about it, pulled my hair out over it, almost nonstop for nearly three decades.  And yet, I sense that I have only just barely scratched the surface.


For example, I sit here today with chronic back and neck pain that I have had for 22 years.  This debility affects every aspect of my life.  I can’t even remember what it is like to be without pain.  I have looked at this situation of mine from every angle I can imagine.  I have been to many excellent healers of many modalities.  I have felt guilt over it and I have berated myself because of it – Physician, why is it that you can’t heal thyself?  


I mention my own plight to illustrate that I have literally looked at this mystery called healing, from top to bottom.  This brings me to my friend’s question.  She said, “Why is it that we have to ask for healing?” She points out that this seems to be a common thread in as many traditions as she could think of.  “Why doesn’t the Divine heal you without you having to seek it out?”  


Oh where to start?  I think the first place to start is semantics.  Let’s define the word healer.  It has been my experience after many discussions with many good healers, that we are not comfortable with the word.  Personally, I use it because it’s easy.  But it’s not accurate.  Call me lazy, but it’s so cumbersome explaining and disclaiming every time I try to describe who I am and what I do.  But here’s the truth of it.  I’m not doing the healing.  (Nor do I believe that any healer is doing the healing.)  I am simply channeling Divine energy with intention.  But it needs to be said, that despite my best work, the outcome is not within my power.  That, I must let go.


This is a bit off topic, but I will mention it here.  Traditionally, the word shaman cannot be used by an individual to describe herself.  Only the people can call someone a shaman.  This is partly why I am uncomfortable using words like healer or shaman.  It is not for me to say.  


So, if we healers are not doing the healing, who is?  Wish I knew the answer to that question.  I will however, tell you what I do know.  I rely HEAVILY on my Spirit Guides and Helpers when I do healing work.  If truth be told, they are doing more and more of the work these days – their suggestion, not mine.  Spirit keeps telling me, “You are doing too much; it gets to be easy”.  So be it.  But you get my point.  They are doing the lion share of the work while I hold space and do what I’m told.  Now, I may be wrong about this, but my sense is that they are channeling the same Divine energy that I am.  So are they doing the healing any more than I am?  I’ll just let us all sit with that question for now.  I will tell you this: in every healing session of which I have been a part, I feel the Divine.  Define that word as you will but for me, it is a distinct and real aspect that is beyond myself.  It is all knowing and all loving.  It knows me and knows the person I am working with.  Whatever aspect of healing comes about, it is the perfect outcome for the situation.  Including mine.  


Perhaps one reason we need to ask the Divine for healing is because if it were left up to us, we would fuck it up.  Take me for example.  If I had had my druthers, I would have been pain free after my first healing session.  What possible, positive outcome could have come from such a sucky, painful way to live?  And yet, if I am honest about it, I know that my pain path has taken me in directions that otherwise I would not have ever ventured.  Would I be the healer I am today if I wasn’t so fixated on what causes pain and what the hell can be done about it?  I think we both know the answer to that question.  Maybe God does know best.  


But I have more to say about my friend’s question, “Why do we have to ask for healing?”  It has been my experience that our Spirit Guides and Helpers cannot help us unless we ask.  I think that’s why we get so frustrated.  They are waiting to help, and we are not asking.  But I think it’s a good system.  Hear me out, because what would be the alternative?  They barge in anytime they think we need help – whether or not we want it?  I think not.  The current system feels respectful to me.  It also feels like a learning opportunity for us.  

One last thought.  We are not meant to live and heal in isolation.  Trust me on this.  I have tried for years to go it alone.  I’m constantly shown by Spirit that I need to reach out and ask for help.  So excruciatingly hard!  But the outcome does bring connection and yes, ultimately healing.

Monday, June 27, 2016

I want to know you

I have just had my five thousandth hit on this blog from people all over the world (If Google Stats are to be trusted).  It's surreal to say the least.  It's like I'm in a one-sided friendship where I'm the only one who is allowed to speak.  That is fucked up.  If truth be told, I want to know you.

Friday, June 24, 2016

The Immigrant Shaman

I've had this same conversation lately with a variety of people, so I have these thoughts rumbling around in my brain that I want to put to paper - the blog kind.


When anthropologist and such started to study shamans, it was discovered that they were found in nearly every part of the world.  Shamanism is the oldest spiritual practice known to humankind.  It dates back a hundred thousand years, if not more.  An odd thing happened when shamans were studied.  These healers had no way of talking to each other during those thousands of years, yet it was found that they were all doing the same thing.  Or rather, their practice was the same at the heart of what they were doing.  This is called Core Shamanism.

Around that core practice, a shaman would take on the trappings of the culture she or he belonged to.  So in each region of the world, researchers found a wide variety of outer practices that reflected local beliefs.  This is called Cultural Shamanism.

Outwardly, as we look at shamanic practices, no two styles look the same.  There is a beautiful array of beliefs, ceremonies, deities, costuming, etc.  But when we look beneath all of that, at what the shaman is actually doing, we find the same practice the world over.

This makes me think of cultural appropriation.  How does an immigrant shaman find her tribe?  And what happens when the shaman is an all American mutt made up of many cultures?  It's a bit of a sticky wicket.  (Shout out to my English shamanic heritage!)

We could be talking about anything from shamanic healing practices to the desire to understand another culture.  When does one cross the line from "respectful curiosity to learn", to "inappropriate cultural appropriation"?  Let's say for example, that I buy a beautiful Native American necklace from a pawn shop.  Let's also say that unknown to me, it's a sacred object that belongs to a specific tribe, and it is only worn by certain people and only during sacred ceremonies?  What happens if I later find out about it's origin and purpose?  What if a similar necklace is gifted to me by the maker with a clear understanding that I would not be able to wear it in public?  What is my moral and ethical responsibility in each scenario?  I agonize over these questions because I want to be respectful.  But what if I make a mistake?  What if I'm irreverent out of ignorance?  What if my seeking takes me to places I ought not to be - and according to whom?  How do we explore our spiritual center and remain respectful to others?

I don't have the answers to these questions.  Perhaps asking them and having the conversation is a good start.  I do believe that core beliefs and practices cannot be appropriated because they are from the tribe of human. But I also believe that maneuvering life with the desire to understand and be respectful of others and their cultures is an ongoing, worthy endeavor which I intend to continue.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

The World's Greatest Lie

"The world's greatest lie is this, that at a certain point of our lives we lose control of what is happening to us and our lives become controlled by fate."


Paulo Coelho
The Alchemist




I've started rereading, The Alchemist", by Paulo Coelho.  I read this book over 25 years ago when I first consciously started my journey into who I am and why I am here and how to let that happen.  This is how it looks now (above), but this is how it looked back in the day (below).  Just seeing the old cover brings back a whoosh of... a mixture of so many emotions.  It isn't easy to wake up.  In fact, it's the hardest thing I have ever done.  But it is also by far the most important thing I have ever done or will ever do.  Everything else pales in comparison, because without it, nothing else matters.  It will be interesting reading this milestone book again, now that I am so very different from the women of long ago.








Tuesday, June 21, 2016

A Song for The Ghost Children

This is a piece I reworked for English 204 - Creative Non-Fiction Writing.  This one was the hardest of all, and the one I spent the most time rewriting.  It is after all, a grueling and incredibly important story for me to tell.  I dedicate it to all The Ghost Children of the world. 
                              

                                                       A Song for The Ghost Children
    I woke very early this morning with the gut-solid knowing that I must write about the singing and the song.  My spiritual practice is eclectic.  I love to join with others in their various forms of spiritual gatherings to pray and sing their songs, which has deep and joyful meaning to me.  I think there is something powerful about people coming together in community to sing and follow tradition.  We all want and need to feel connected to each other and there is no better way I have found, than to join with others doing some kind of repeated ritual that everyone knows.  If these rituals have been done over generations, all the better to develop a lasting, nostalgic, accumulative feel.  I always experience a breathless awe when I am invited in.
     As much as I have needed and embraced these gatherings, I have found over the decades, that these practiced rituals leave me no room to sing my own song.  I have been seeking my true voice for a life time.  As it has slowly emerged, I have found that I not only have a voice, but a song.  My song is a song of the moment in which I sing the energy I feel and see.  It's as if I am translating what is there for all to hear.  It usually feels sacred to me, though I've been known to do it while vacuuming for example, which is a ritual of sorts.  It helps me clear the energy in a room, while clearing the dust - an effective one-two punch.
     As an energy medicine healer, I sometimes feel drawn to sing what I sense during a healing session.  Many times I have sung the story of the pain that is before me.  These are gut wrenching songs that can include sounds I have never heard come out of my mouth before, because they are not my own.  Over time I have come to understand that these songs can help relieve the energy of past traumas.  It's as if I am standing witness to the atrocities of the lives of those that I am healing.  I speak their truth with the song.  I will say that often, as the energy sifts and dissipates, the song changes to one of sweet release and tender hope.  It is an experience I truly cannot put into words.  And I hesitate even writing about it because it is sacred to me.  The specific song I am to write about this early morning, is a song that I sang about five years ago when I was beginning to deal with the sexual abuse of my childhood.  
     Unknown to my mother, my father was "renting" me out to child pornographers.  I was not the only kid there.  A small group of girls and boys would huddle in a corner of the room, until the adults decided they needed one or more of us to pose like puppets with them for a “scene”.  I remember the blinding flash of the cameras – this was 1960s technology.  No memories of the cameras themselves, only the numbing process of humiliation and pain punched with the flash, flash, flash.  It was an unspoken rule between us children that we were never to make eye contact with each other, because to see the truth in each others eyes would have been too much.  Perhaps the last straw in our fragile survival.  There was such a keen knowing between us that this was so very wrong.  We silently held our never ending question:  Why couldn’t these grown-ups comprehend what we so clearly knew?
     In my mind, I called the others, The Ghost Children because that's what they looked like to me.  The walking dead.  There was no life in their eyes and their bodies slumped and shuffled when they moved, if they moved at all.  It didn't occur to me then, perhaps, because I would have been younger than seven, but I understand now that I must have looked just like them.
     So, five years ago, I was in a therapeutic gathering of people where I felt safe and supported.  We were taking turns talking deeply about ourselves and our lives.  I had no intention of talking about my abuse history.  But as I spoke, my story unfolded.  It was the first time I shared it outside of therapy and a few carefully chosen friends and family.  But it was the right time, and the right place, and the right people, and it all just came out.  At the end of speaking, I said that I wanted to sing a song.  I felt intimidated and a bit horrified by the thought of doing this.  But I also knew that there was a song that was ready to burst out of me and I really had no choice.  At the time, this kind of singing was new to me and I certainly had never expressed myself like this before in front of a group of people. 
     I stood and said, "I dedicate this song to The Ghost Children", and then toned without words, singing a song of the torment, anguish and pain.  I sang of the injustice from the adults who had harmed us.  I screamed with tones, my arms outstretched to the heavens, "How could this happen?"  But then, finally, the energy shifted within me. There was an actual release, an actual letting go.  And my song began to change.  With time, it became calmer, richer and complete.
     It is common for children of abuse to feel tainted.  It is why we don't let people in.  It’s as if we live by the creed, “Let me reject you, before you figure out who I really am and you reject me”.  I assumed once I told my story and sang my song in the circle that day, I would be politely shunned.  What else could they do after knowing what they then knew about me.  I will never forget what happened after I finished my song and sat down.  Without a moments pause, all 25 people unanimously jumped to their feet and came to me, to hold me and tell me how much they loved me.
                                                                        +++++

     Closing the laptop, and with snotty tissues strewn all about me; I have accomplished the task.  Now, perhaps and finally, a peaceful sleep.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Which is better: Squarespace vs Word Press?

Let's just say that I am designing my new business website on Squarespace as we speak, and I'm so fucking excited I think I'm going to pee my pants.









Thursday, June 16, 2016

How to Talk to the Dead

Good news!  I got confirmation that I will be teaching again at Goddess Fest this year (Boise Idaho).  Saturday July 23rd from 8-9 pm.  This year's topic - How to Talk to the Dead.  Here's the class description and bio.  Hope to see you there.

Are you having trouble with unwanted spirits in your home and in your life?  Do you find it difficult to connect with those that have passed on – the ones you want to reach?  Susan will cover aspects in this class such as effective protection from unwanted spirits, healthy relationship development with those that have passed, and helping the dead cross over (psychopomp work).

Susan Fullmer is a local practitioner who provides intuitive readings, energy healings, and teachings on a wide variety of metaphysical techniques.  She has over 25 years of experience.  She also hosts a radio talk show called, All Things Woo Woo (see Facebook page by the same name).



Monday, June 13, 2016

Radio Podcast: This is what a Psychic Medium looks like

Radio Talk Show Podcast 6/12/2016:  
This is what a psychic medium looks like 


Chatting with Aprilynn Noriega and her friend Brittani Raindancing Merchild. Fun, Fun, Fun. Lots of good information for the Intuitive and the Magical. And specific, helpful information for Empaths. They also have a series of classes to help children acknowledge their intuitive abilities.  Life is sweeter when we embrace who we truly are. 

Contact information for Aprilynn Noriega, Psychic Medium. 
208-860-5068
intuitivereadingsforlife@gmail
.com
www.secondsightboise.com

See more pictures of these lovely ladies on the radio Facebook page.


Podcast 6/12/2016





        You can also catch my show live
every Sunday from 5-7 pm Idaho, Mountain Time Zone.  
You can stream it from any computer with internet at

Radio Podcast: The Tale of a Mermaid

Radio Talk Show Podcast 6/5/2016:  
The Tale of a Mermaid 


It's a true Water Love Story!  Charlotte Marie who is a photographer, swim instructor (adult and children), aquatic director, water healer, and mermaid.  Hear her story and her AMAZING water meditations in the podcast.

She is based out of Cascade, Idaho, and is willing to travel. She also visits Boise often. You can contact her at:
Ph: (208) 850-9284
Website: www.mermaidalleset.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CharlotteDietzMermaidPage.

See pictures of her amazing underwater photography on the radio Facebook page.


Podcast 6/5/2016




        You can also catch my show live
every Sunday from 5-7 pm Idaho, Mountain Time Zone.  
You can stream it from any computer with internet at

Radio Podcast: Who put Woo Woo in the Portland VA?

Radio Talk Show Podcast 5/8/2016:


How do you change a government run health care system to include Woo Woo?  Ask the women who did it, which is exactly what I did during my interview with Maria Anderson, Wellness Facilitator.  


You can follow her on Facebook at
https://www.facebook.com/HealingHeartPDX/?ref=hl
Twitter:
@HealingHeart444
Instagram
Healingheartpdx



This podcast is archived on You Tube




Check out my radio Facebook page for pictures.







        You can also catch my radio show live
every Sunday from 5-7 pm Idaho, Mountain Time Zone.  
You can stream it from any computer with internet at

Radio Podcast: Mr. Montana Two-Spirit


Radio Talk Show Podcast 4/24/2016:


The inspiring story of Aiden Warrior, current Mr. Montana Two-Spirit,
Native American activist and artist, and Transcendence Icon.
See Facebook page for more pictures. 



Podcast 4/24/2016





        You can also catch my show live
every Sunday from 5-7 pm Idaho, Mountain Time Zone.  
You can stream it from any computer with internet at

Radio Podcast: The Bee Whisperer

Radio Talk Show Podcast 4/17/2016: The Bee Whisperer 


The story of a girl and her bees.
See Facebook page for more pictures of Beatrice Ayala. 



Podcast 4/17/2016




        You can also catch my show live
every Sunday from 5-7 pm Idaho, Mountain Time Zone.  
You can stream it from any computer with internet at

Friday, June 10, 2016

In-the-flow Ethics

     In my UF 300 class we had an ethics section.  In it, we learned all kinds of aspects and angles of ethics.  I was very curious to see what they would teach us and how I would feel about it.  Having grown up in a strict Christian upbringing, this was my first version of ethics as thought to me in my childhood.  It has grown and changed over the duration of my lifetime to something that currently aliens with my experiences, beliefs and values.  But I wasn't quite sure how my ethics would measure up to University taught ethics.

     I remember agreeing with most of the things that were presented to me in that class.  But I was also surprised by some of the responses that I heard from my fellow students.  Black Board is the online version of student-teacher communication at Boise State.  This is the tool that we use to talk to our teachers, for our teachers to talk to us, for us to submit assignments, and to participate in something called the Discussion Board.  Or DB for short.  On DB we would usually answer some kind of question, and then we would respond to other's responses and so on.  Hence the "discussion" in Discussion Board.  Sometimes the discussion was very specific to a chapter, or reading, or aspects of things we had learned in class.  And sometimes questions would be very general and we would have to pick our way through something that we thought would be applicable and pleasing to our teacher.

     For one of the discussion boards we had during the ethics section, I remember there was a story posed to us.  It was a scenario of a girl that was part of a charity fund raising event where we had gone door to door seeking money for this specific charity.  The ethics conundrum that we were to address, was that at the end of the day we saw this girl who had been working with us, take some of the funds from the bag she had collected and used it for beer money for herself.  And to throw a wrench in the whole situation her father was one of the muckity-mucks for the charity for which we were gathering donations.  The father was not present during the charity event, but a large presence none the less.


     We were asked, "What would you do in this situation?"  Without hesitation, I wrote my answer which had something to do in the effect of, I would talk to the organizers of the event and report what I saw.  It seemed a no-brainer to me.  I am quite sure that no one who had given money that day for that specific charity had ever once intended a penny of their money to go towards this girl's beer fund.  I also said that if she were of legal age,  that it would be none of her father's business (unless it was his professional responsibility to handle these kinds of in-house affairs).  Nor was it my business to reprimand her, but to let the organizers take my information and hope they would deal with it properly.  And if this were a real story, I would watch to see if I felt they handled the situation in an ethical way (according to me) and decide if I would ever lend my time and effort to them again. i.e. not go back if they let her off because of daddy.  

     Like I said, it seemed like a no-brainer.  I was astounded to hear some of the responses from the other students.  They ran the gamut from something I might have said (as above), to responses such as "She worked hard, she deserved it".  "A few bucks for beer money is no big deal".  It's not that I didn't know that people said that sort of thing, but I was still a little surprised.  And then I got thinking over the days to follow, why do I have the ethics that I do?  I no longer side with my childhood religious beliefs that were very staunch on honesty and such.  And yet, I'm still pretty staunch on honesty in my own way.  I realized as I thought about this, my version of ethics has come from energy and from watching energy over the decades.  I have found that when we are dishonest, when we hold secrets, when we negatively conspire against someone or something, and etc it directly effects our energy to the detriment of our wellbeing.  Physical follows energy and so it often comes out in some kind of negative physical form.  This also plays havoc to our emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being.  So, it has become clear to me that one should do what one can to keep our energy balanced and flowing so that we feel good in all aspects of our lives.  The natural outcome for me, following that path over the years, has been to be extremely honest, extremely transparent, and extremely helpful to others and myself in a balanced and healthy way.

     This was a great insight for me.  I'm sure that's what school was designed for right?  It helps us to be critical thinkers.  Not just to have an answer, but to be able to trace back that answer and defend it.  Why do I feel this way?  Is it sustainable?  Is it based in any kind truth?

     At this point, I feel clear about my ethics and why I have come up with my current believes regarding them.  I also know I want to continue to fine tune this as I go from here.  Good class on ethics!  Or as I might call my version, the In-the-flow Ethics.