Medicine from Yurt_2018_01_08

I finally discovered why I am sitting in this circle.  I’ve known I was supposed to be here even before the first day.  But I didn’t know why.  To sit with interesting people discussing interesting topics to be sure.  But that’s easy to know.  The deeper reason had to sneak up on me.  I wish I could remember the name of the man who spoke my words.  He was sitting two from my right.  I don’t even remember the context of why he used them, but when he said them they shot through me like an explosion.  I am here to learn to trust men.  I honestly didn’t know I needed to do that, but of course now that I have heard the words I know that they are true and I know why they are true.  

This past year I have completed at long last, the task of mucking through my own personal cesspool - a history of abuse, incest, and giving over my power to men in most ways conceivable.  I am finally in a good and calm place.  I feel clean and content.  It would stand to reason that after clearing my stage, there would then come a time to add the good that should have been there all along, but never was.  How did I think I could skip that part?  Silly me.  And so I thank the gentleman two seats down for giving me my words of truth that I can finally hear.  And I thank all the ladies and gentlemen of the circle for creating a space where I can learn to trust men.  Whatever that means, for I do not know.  

This was my medicine.

I have recently joined a co-ed process group. Our main focus so far is exploring the differences and similarities of women and men.