A Nurse's Heart: There used to be an era...
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From Susan’s journal - August 28, 2021
I had a compassionate nurse's heart once upon a time. As a patient, you would hope for a kind and loving person who sees and takes care of your every need without having to be asked. When you don’t feel well, it can be difficult to ferret out what you actually need. That's when a good nurse can step in and be their intuitive, competent self. To just know what needs doing and do it. I was that nurse. Until I wasn't. Somewhere along the way my good nurse's heart got killed. Oh, I still went through the motions; I doubt any of my patients ever knew I was faltering. But as my caring heart dwindled, it became harder and harder to pretend to myself that I was okay. That this way of being was okay.
Looking back over my 35 years of nursing, it is a mingle of joy and regret. How could I have done it better? Regarding my patients, I feel at peace as I always did my utmost best. But as far as how I treated myself? How did I get it so wrong? Can a modern day caregiver find health and balance in the work they do?
I literally had to leave nursing to start my own healing journey in earnest. But where does that leave the patient? And where does that leave the profession? I could go on long tirades about watching our healthcare system crush the loving-soul out of its front line workers. Year after year the workload would increase. There used to be an era when a nurse could take the time (with management’s support) to hold the hand of a patient and listen to them when they needed that sort of care; perhaps more powerful than any other kind of treatment in that moment. Those days are long gone. What dies in a nurse when they see and ignore that magic moment of potential healing, simply because there is not enough time? There is never enough time.
I feel so empty now. I'm reluctant to reach out my hand and listen to anyone. I want that part of me back. How do I get that part of me back?
Susan's Note: Since posting A Nurse's Heart, people have reached out to me with concern because of the sad tone it contains. I am indeed grateful for the kindness of this world that comes my way. My path as a wounded healer has been my life's work and learning; filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I am happy to report that whatever this "healing work" is, it works. I have seen it transform my own life and the lives of countess friends and clients. I have dug deep these past few years in doing my inner, healing work (I wrote this post 3 1/2 years ago). I am humbled and gleeful to report that at this time in my life, I am able to hold a hand and listen. My heart tells me there is more work there for me to do, and I continue to ask for help as I walk that path. But the path IS worth it. This I know.
I shared this old journal entry of mine because my Spirit Guides suggested I do so and my intuition said yes. I used to be ashamed of my weaknesses and struggled to hide them away so no one would see. That kind of behavior never ended well for me. It constantly brought me loneliness and depression. And so I follow my intuition now, even when it asks the uncomfortable of me. Why is it so important that I share this journal entry of mine? I don't know. But I do have an intuitive sense that there are many nurses and caregivers out there who are struggling. I send you my little story with love, returning the kindness and support that so generously comes my way. You are not alone.
Blessings, Susan
Let's once and for all stop pretending that this is an oddity. I find most people sense spirits in one way or another. And some of us have full blown conversations with them. It's not weird nor rare. Get over it.
Current classes taught in Boise, Idaho are found on Facebook - Intuitive Explorations with Susan Fullmer
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Susan Fullmer is a writer, conscious channel, shamanic practitioner, psychic medium, energy healer, energy reader, teacher, mentor, group facilitator, nurse, and licensed massage therapist. She has been in private practice since 1990 with her business, Intuitive Explorations with Susan Fullmer.
She draws from decades of study and practice in the healing arts including 35 years of nursing (both medical and mental health) and massage therapy (with extensive study in energy medicine). Susan has a plethora of experience in group facilitation, public speaking, mentorship, and teaching classes and workshops. In 2019 she graduated from Boise State University with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Multidisciplinary Studies with certificates in Leadership and Human Relations, and Dispute Resolution.
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