Susan Rambles: The Stone of Conclusion - When Can a Barn Become Just a Barn?
It called to me as I stood in the open area between the old granary and the barn. A nondescript stone that could easily fit in the palm of my hand. It told me that it had been there from the beginning, had witnessed it all.
This is my first trip back to the family homestead in over 10 years. A most perfect niche of nature’s creation situated to give an unencumbered view of the Grand Tetons from the Idaho side. Juxtaposed with this grandeur are my hellacious memories of this place which encompassed some of the sexual abuse I endured in my childhood. During that absent decade, I had endeavored to heal: Heavy-duty weekly psychotherapy sessions, energy healing, and creating a safer existence for myself. This ongoing journey has at last brought me to some clarity and inner peace. But to return to the farm? Never!
But my inner wise voice told me that in order to complete my healing in regard to this matter, I would need to go back and face my final wall of fear. My abusers are dead and gone; the only thing that stands from that era is that damn barn.
Standing at the barn door of the milking section where my grandfather milked cows and manhandled his granddaughter, I took a deep breath. “I’m a grown woman - I can do this!” The ancient hinges creaked as I pushed the wooden door open and stepped inside. Dark enveloped me with jagged shards of light streaming through the weathered, shrunken slats of the walls. It smelled like hay and the memories started to flash. I felt the all too familiar sensation of panic on the rise. I turned around and bolted.
Several hours later and many breathing/grounding practices engaged, I returned. My inner knowing told me that if I could face this, I would put much of my fear to rest. I again stepped inside the barn. My breathing calmer this time, I reminded myself that there was no longer anyone here that could hurt me. I allowed myself to remember anything that wanted to arise from within. I saw images of Grandpa stacking the milking cans along the front wall. I remembered the cows standing in a row with their heads secured in the wooden slats that gave them room to move and eat, but not to leave - not until the milking machines finished their job. As a city girl, this all intrigued me. Fascination muddled with dread and pain.
After a while I was able to gingerly step onto the platform where the cows had stood, where I had stood between them, where he had used and abused me. There was nowhere to turn for help back then, as my own father was doing his version of the same act at home. As a mature woman in my fifties, I stood on that platform and let it all wash over me and out of me until the purge was complete. Guilt, shame, fear, pain - it all went down the decrepit trenches where the cow’s shit and pee used to flow. I waited until I had dumped it all; the old, toxic energy associated with this place and that time.
When I finally walked outside and turned around it was at last, just a barn.
It was then that I looked down and saw the dusty stone. My silent whiteness to it all. I picked it up and rinsed it off with water. The colors and striations popped, the definitions intense. Washing away the old allowed the uncovering of the stone’s story which was also my story. There was a white splotch which I knew represented my now-healed wound. Along the side of the wound was a dark and ragged scar that ran the length of the stone. It was the most striking part of the design as it disrupted the complex patterning beneath. The words came to me distinctly saying, “This is the scar that is left in you and will not fade away. But see how it is the most beautiful and interesting part. It interrupts yet enhances the whole.” I burst out crying right there in the yard.
Would I prefer not to have the scar? Of course. But it is here to stay, and I choose to see it as beauty. And then the words came, “The Stone of Conclusion.”
See posts about the Healing Process:
Susan Channels: Susan’s Heart Chakra - What it Means if You are Still Here on Earth
Susan Rambles: When is an Addiction Your Helpful Teacher? Flipping the Script
7/3/26 Substack Live Q&A: How Do We Stop Our Old Patterns?
Susan Talks: The Justification Game - How “Living Above Reproach” Nearly Did Me In
Susan Rambles: An Offer of Healing - The Power of Eight
Susan Talks: How to Heal and Rejuvenate in the Winter - The trees know the secret
Susan Rambles: Is your DNA Amiss? And What to Do About It
Susan Channels: Why is there Suffering in the World?
Susan Channels: The Panel #2 - The Intricacies of Shifting from One Frequency to Another
Susan Rambles: Grief Work - Will I Drown Before It’s All Done?
Susan Rambles: His Ileocecal Valve Seeks an Audience - The Language of Our Body
Susan Channels: A Message from the Arcturians - It is Time to Put Those Skills into Action
See posts about Healing from Trauma:
Susan Rambles: The Car Wash Confirmation - A Sure Sign of Healing
Susan Rambles: The Quilt of Death - And I’m a Mess in the Middle of It All
Susan Rambles: While Chatting with Money Today - A Lesson from My Intuitive Infant-Self
Susan Rambles: The Festering Emotional Wound Rising - What a Mess
Susan Rambles: Humanistic Mediation - A Preferred Victim-Offender Conflict Resolution Technique
Susan Rambles: Is your DNA Amiss? And What to Do About It
Susan Rambles: Breaking Covenants - When Sovereign Humans want to Renegotiate
Susan Talks: The Other Side of Healing - And why is it Bubbling Up Now?
Susan Rambles: Stilettos and a Chat with Oprah Winfrey
Susan Travels: A Medieval Island Fortress Located on Lake Geneva, Switzerland - Checking Out the Energies of Château de Chillon
Susan Travels: What Really Happened in Curfew Tower? Checking out the Energies of Windsor Castle
Susan Rambles: Where Does My Enemy Sit? (aka, My Obnoxious Spiritual Teacher)
Susan Rambles: Shamanic Journey to Rothenburg ob der Tauber - One Thing has to Shift Before Another Thing Can Move
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Susan Fullmer is a writer, podcaster, conscious channel, shamanic practitioner, psychic medium, energy healer, energy reader, teacher, mentor, group facilitator, nurse, and licensed massage therapist. Susan specializes in extraterrestrial connections, and she is a telepathic talker. She has been in private practice since 1990 with her business, Intuitive Explorations with Susan Fullmer.
She draws from decades of study and practice in the healing arts including 35 years of nursing (both medical and mental health) and massage therapy (with extensive study in energy medicine). Susan has a plethora of experience in group facilitation, public speaking, mentorship, teaching classes, and hosting workshops and retreats. In 2019 she graduated from Boise State University with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Multidisciplinary Studies with certificates in Leadership and Human Relations, and Dispute Resolution.
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