I'm very proud of this.  I've got a stiff learning curve in computer anything.  So when we get an assignment for an oral presentation to include media...yikes!  This is the introduction to my oral presentation in MDS 300, and my very first PowToon. https://www.powtoon.com/online-presentation/b9xFjvetvUx/the-mds-project/ 

This is my final paper for my Multiple Disciplinary Studies class.   Susan Fullmer MDS 300 12/11/2015 Reflections: My Life, a Journey of Learning      I have worked as a licensed practical nurse for the past 33 years in many areas of health care.    Along the way I grew rather bored with nursing so when my son was old enough, I went back to school and became a licensed massage therapist.    It was a dream come true to own my own business doing energy work, energy readings, and massage.    After 13 years I closed my private practice due to health issues.    I then returned to nursing, but this time to mental health where I worked as a psychiatric nurse case manager and teacher.    After 10 years in mental health, I was again ready for a change, so I worked as an Equal Opportunity Employment Specialist in a hospital.    I had never done this kind of work before, but I really enjoyed it.  ...

     I find it interesting that I haven't really talked much about my Multiple Disciplinary Studies (MDS) class here in my blog.  This is my  degree  after all.  Looking back over this semester, I think I know why.      This degree is for people who have been away from college for awhile, for any number of reasons.  It could be raising a family, military service, finical difficulties, medical set backs, or like mine - having a learning disability and being too scared to set foot into a school again.  Ever.  But whatever the reason, it's a wonderful program that lets you use all your old credits and develop your own curriculum.  And although developing my own curriculum felt like the best thing I could have hoped for, the reality is that it was a daunting task.  Or rather, it would have been a nearly impossible task if it weren't for the class I took this past semester called MDS 300.      This ...

     In nursing, one spends a great deal of time charting - documenting everything you have done.  As the saying goes, "If it's not charted, it's not done".  I understand the importance of good charting.  Clear communication is imperative in health care.  For example, how and when do you know to give a medication if it hasn't been clearly charted.  The down side of all of this writing, is that it takes time away from our patients.  I doubt there are many nurses that sought out the profession to spend time on a computer.  And if they do love the paper work more, I think they are probably the "research" type nurse, or "insurance" type nurse.  But I am the "people" type nurse, and would much rather be with my patients than a document.  So I find a balance as best I can.      It should never happen, but once in a while we may forget to chart something.  That information must be charted when the omission ...

     I saw, "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" today in 3D at IMAX.  Beyond cool.  I felt like I could reach out and pinch a planet on Luke's map, or caress the mask of Kylo Ren.  Though why anyone would want to do the later is beyond me.  Creepy.       I know why humanity clicks with movies like Star Wars and Harry Potter.  It's because we are magic.  The force is around us and within us.  And we don't have to be a Jedi to utilize it to our advantage.  When I teach others how to use energy to create and to heal, I feel like my main task is to validate.  Yes, you do feel what you feel.  Yes, you do know what you know.  And, yes, you do have the passions and powers that are simply who you are.  Most of us don't grow up in communities that support this, let alone teach it.  We as a human race are hungry to understand these natural gifts and abilities.  We will continue to go se...

     My two favorite patients aren't doing well.  I had to send one of them to the hospital last night and the other may not still be alive when I get back to work tonight.  I never thought there would come a day when I would feel this way, but I'm tired of death.  Maybe this is just one more confirmation that it's time for me to leave nursing.

   I've been contemplating how truly unusual it is that I am blogging.  It's a platform where I speak my truth.  Remember that I am a female born in 1960.  Although the women's movement was happening in the world, it wasn't happening in my world.  I was a child of abuse who grew up in a conservative, strictly patriarchal society where I was constantly told that except to serve others, I was not to be seen and certainly not to be heard.  If I spoke in a public platform, it was to give reference to the holy words of others.  I was taught to pray and receive inspiration, but if "my inspiration" landed outside a strict guideline, I was at best, "wrong" and at worse, "of the devil".  As far as my own true thoughts, feelings, and holy words, I had no real say.  I quickly learned that speaking my truth was unacceptable, and punishable, so I stuffed it down where it was forgotten for a long, long time.      It's astounding that ...

         Glass half empty?  Glass half full?  I got a B in math.  I was really hoping for an A.  Pie in the sky perhaps, given that I have dyslexia and math has been the bane of my existence in this current incarnation.  Oh, but I feel sad.  Partly because I had a perfect 4.0 GPA since starting school here at BSU.  I don't think I have the vocabulary to express what a freakin miracle that is.  Yes, I worked my ass off.  And yes, I have lived a life time of learning how to learn in my own - it only makes sense to Susan, but it works - sort of way.  But still, 4.0.      But in actuality, it's a relief.  With each semester, as the shock of all A's would gradually wear off, the stress would set in.  The pressure to maintain that 4.0 was getting out of control.  I was almost dreading it happening again because I didn't know how much more pressure I could take.  It felt like...

     I now have a whole German assemblage.  Or at least the "Stats" page for my blog, that I was telling you about, says I do (see blog post, "My Twenty Russian Besties" November 2015).  But how do I know if that's real?  Maybe it's just Blog Spot fucking with my brain.  It's some kind of consumeristic plot to sucker us bloggers to keep coming black.  I mean, no one has ever commented on my blog except my dear sister, who unlike Blog Spot, does not fuck with my brain and gives me real and warm support that I can actually take to the bank.  Confirmed reality is a reassuring thing.      So who are you people?  If in fact, you are actual alive and breathing humanity, then prove it.  Dare to comment.  I'm not asking for a long term committed relationship here.  Just a token offering to prove you are real.  That, or I want Blog Spot to make a full and truthful confession right here and now.

     I'd forgotten how much I love the seasons.  I moved here a couple of years ago from my beloved Portland Oregon where we enjoy various shades of rain.  I had been there a couple of decades, so I sort of forgot the whole snow experience of winter.  Not to mention the intolerable heat of summer - ah, but that's an examination for another day...about 6 months from now.        It's Christmas Eve and we just had a tremendously beautiful snow.  I'm more of a Solstice girl these days, but with a deep vain of nostalgia for my Christian upbringing.  And I am nothing, if not inclusive.  So it was a joy to trudge out in the fresh white and feel the moment of anticipation of an event held holy.   And here I am returning to myself, headed home.

     I've noticed that "Reflections" seems to be a popular assignment word with professors.  In most of my classes I have papers that are due called "Reflections" something or other.  I'm good with that.  I'm a reflective type person and enjoy writing about my take on any given subject.  This blog is proof of that.  I just find it a little silly that everything I work on is called a "Reflections Paper".  No biggie.  That is, until I post the wrong reflections paper to the wrong class.  That's when the silliness abruptly comes to a stop.

         I have nowhere comfortable to sit in my house.  Consequently, I have nowhere comfortable for guests to sit and visit with me.  I figure the day I actually own a couch will be the day I finally feel ready to let people in.  

A good day See Blog Post - Introducing, Boise States University's newest organization! November 2015

2 points extra credit post for Leadership 325 Blog Post #7 Good stuff I learned in class on 11/5/15          In Leadership we saw videos on the Penn State scandal and talked about it's culture.  A culture that is spinning out of control takes a long time to get there.  And consequently, it takes a long time to correct itself again.  If it's too far gone, then it takes a big jolt and/or outside forces to cause corrections.        As an organizational leader you constantly have to guard against any sort of variation from the core mission and purpose and beliefs of your organization.  When you compromise once, it's hard.  But the tenth time it's easy.  Sometimes organizations just get in a habit of compromising.  Enough compromises over time gets you to a bad place.        A closed environment also harbors abuse.  If a culture is built or talks about...

2 points extra credit post for Leadership 325 Blog Post #6 Good stuff I learned in class on 11/10/15      I was going through some of my old class notes and ran across this gem.  We have been learning about organizational leadership.  All organizations exist for a reason, whether this be for profit, altruistic, educational etc puposes.  There is a reason we get together.  Because of that, organizations are inherently political.  In other words, one set of values, beliefs, and purposes are competing or negotiating against another set of values, beliefs, and purposes.  There can only ever be one outcome.  To be a good organizational leader, we have to understand these things.        So why do we want to know what divides people?  Why do we need to know all the conflicts, and which is the dominate conflict?  Sometimes people don't tell you what the conflict is about.  Sometimes we have to f...

       I went to the Annual Family Holiday Concert at BSU last night.  I can't remember if I mentioned it here, but last spring semester I sang in the University Singers choir.  I hadn't sung in a choir for - millennia?  It was an amazing experience, but that story is for another blog post.      I had heard that "my" choir would be singing in the holiday concert and I wanted to go.  There would also be the jazz band and orchestra.  I used to play the violin way back in the past century along with a variety of other instruments.  I love that shit!  It feels like home to me.  It's all I can do to stay seated in my chair and not jump up on stage and yell, "give me something to play and move over!".  (Not that I currently have the talent or ability to be able to do that - ah, but in my fantasy world I am rockin' it)  It did take super human strength however, not to sing along with Handel's Messi...

     What is wrong with me?  I cannot get it together.  Ever since I slowed way down over Thanksgiving break, I can't seem to speed it back up again.  I actually have a shot of getting all As this semester, but not if I don't get this last week right.  I have big stuff due...and I can't seem to make myself do it.  I am in deep shit.  I'm sure there is some psychological reason for all of this, but at the moment I have not an ounce of clarity as to what that might be.  In the mean time, get your shit together Susan!

     There are a handful of things I have done in my life where I can look back and see clearly, that it distictly changed the trajectory of my life for the better.  Having an alter in my home to create a designated sacred space is one of those things.  Meditating daily with Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra is another.  Today's meditation was on forgiveness and almost every sentence blew me away.  I had to write about it. Oprah Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, letting go of the past that I thought I wanted.  These words can absolutely set me free in my life and in my relationships if I allow them to. Letting go is a choice.   I limit myself to being open to other people when I hold on to pain and hold on to resentment. That hurt feeling that I have been feeling for so long, it is nothing more than my ego's response to a person or situation.  The truth is, I am choosing to let that f...

Watching the sunrise from my favorite perch on the 4th floor.  Mmmmm    And now that all the leaves are gone I have a clear view of the river. For study mode, it doesn't get any better than this.

A nice moment today as I was walking across campus  to my (very) early morning math class.

     Something strange is happening.  You see, I have three ardent blog fans.  (Shout out to my niece and two sisters!  I love you guys!!)  They are the only ones who read this blog, which is just fine with me because I didn't start this crazy thing for anyone but myself.  As I have mentioned before, writing helps me process my thoughts, and make sense of my experiences.  Well, the strangest thing happened the other day, someone on campus told me they liked my blog.  Whaaat?  What blog?  My blog?  How is that possible?  I chalked it up to a fluke, but then it happened again.        After being freaked out for about a week, I decided to see if I could tell who was looking at my blog.  Don't laugh, I had never blogged before and didn't really know how this whole thing worked.  I was feeling pretty proud of myself just for figuring out how to post to the blog.  I hadn't looked beyo...

     For inspiration on me remembering me, here's my Digication "Welcome" page.  For those of you who are lost because you are reading this blog backwards - see blog post, "Fun is a tricky word, use it carefully".        My name is Susan and I am a student at Boise State University.  I am working towards my Bachelor of Arts degree in Multidisciplinary Studies with certificates in Leadership and Human Relations, and Dispute Resolution.        I have had a wonderful, full life, but I'm ready for a change.  I am excited to be back in school, and I look forward to using my life skills, in combination with my newly acquired educational skills for a successful career in leadership.        In my spare time I like to ride my bike, a 696 Ducati Monster.  Lavender no less.  I moved here from Portland where I was involved in a motorcycle club.  I look forward t...

     This time last year I was pretty depressed.  OK, scary depressed.  Not to the point of having an exit plan, but more to the point of hovering between functioning and non.  I was talking to a friend about this one day and she asked me, "So what do you do for fun?"  I didn't know.  I'm serious, I had no idea how to answer her.  And after a few days when I still couldn't answer this question, I knew I was in trouble.  Being the good psych nurse that I am, I had a keen understanding that if one is to have a decent mental health status, then one really ought to be able to answer this question.  Still, nothing.        I figured this was a key to understanding my current serious depressive state.  Fun is multi layered and could mean many things.  For example, anything from party girl, to meaningful moment with a loved one.  But I believe that at the heart of the kaleidoscope of funful ideas, is t...

     As a psychiatric nurse case manager, I would have to go to court from time to time, if one of my clients ended up in the judicial system.  Which unfortunately, is not uncommon for folks with major mental health issues.  I'm not going to touch that particular subject just now - it's an issue that's critically important to me and to society, but way too complicated for this little post.      Rather, I was thinking of a particular experience I had with one of my clients.  She had been arrested for walking down Burnside naked.  Now, if any of you have been to Portland, you know that Burnside is a hoppin' place pretty much 24/7.  I'm sure she had quite a bit of exposure before the police showed up.        She and I had a fairly good relationship as I had been meeting with her at least twice weekly for nearly a year.  I hadn't really grilled her about the incident because I knew she had been very psyc...

         Anyone who knows me well, knows that I want a tiara.  Maybe it's because I'm a sucker for sparkly things.  Or maybe it's because everyone secretly wishes they had one, but I'm the only person brave enough to admit it.  (I lean towards the later)      I had a mental health client once who wore tiaras.  As a psychiatric nurse case manager, you really ought not to covet your patient's possessions.  But I did.  More importantly, I coveted her ability to wear them.  I may be brave enough to say that I want one, but my hutzpah stops there.  I rarely saw Stephanie without one of her mini crowns.  She would always come to the office fully decked out in hair, clothes and make up.  She was a sweetheart and I adored her.        I soon realized that I could gage, with a fair amount of accuracy, her level of psychosis by the number of tiaras she wore.  One was ba...

     I haven't watched TV for years.  This has been good for my soul, and my brain, and my general good health and well being.  Don't get me wrong, I totally check out the Flixs, but I can't stand commercials, and I can't stand bad (most) TV.  Also, I want to watch when I want to watch, which is usually at crazy hours, and quite possibly in segments - especially since school.      There is one unfortunate down side to this blissful way of life, I am totally ignorant of certain pop culture.  You'd be surprised how many times people refer to commercials, for example.  It's like they revert momentarily to a foreign language mid sentence and then back to English again.  While I'm thinking, "what did she just say?", everyone around me is laughing at the reference.  To be popular and hip, or to be TV ignorant?  I think I'll continue my moratorium and take my changes at being dull and missing the point.

     Is it just me or does anyone else think that there must be a correlation between the two?  You know, Pi - circle, and Pie - circle.  Or is this a common factoid that all humanity knows except me?  If so, be kind and don't scorn.  I didn't even know what a Pi was.  And isn't that just the freakiest thing you ever heard?  How does it do that?  3.14159 every  time!  My mind is officially blown.      So, who's gonna research this circle comparison thing for me?  I just don't have time - too much math homework.

     As in, my demise via Pop Tart.         I've got an allergy to gluten...among other foods.  But I tell you what, I'm in gluten free heaven these days as everyone seems to be on that band wagon and suddenly there are so many grocery store options.  I don't even need to make a special trip to the health food store any more.  Even Winco has a gluten free section now.      I tend to eat pretty health: organic when I can find and afford it, only ingredients I can pronounce and nothing that can survive a year on the shelf or a nuclear blast - which ever comes first.  I didn't always eat like this.  I grew up with your typical American diet of canned veggies, sugared cereals for breakfast, and processed everything.  Remember, I'm a child of the 60s.  I was well into my 40s before I understood the word, "tofu".  So my nostalgia, comfort foods. . . well let's just say, they shouldn't really be...

     One day, not long ago, I was sitting in my Leadership 325 class when the professor was talking about vulnerability and connection.  Can I just say again, what a thrilling surprise it has been to talk about these kinds of aspects of a leader, in school - not what I expected, but so happy to fine them taught in the leadership field.  Included in this particular lecture, was the TED Talk by Bene Brown about vulnerability.  All of a sudden I had one of those intuitive moments where clarity dawns and I know, without any sliver of a doubt, what I am to do next.  I have learned the hard way over the years, not to ignore this feeling.  Even if it doesn't make any sense (and to tell the truth, these kinds of moments rarely do make sense).  I now know to just jump in head first.  The moment of clarity?  I am to start a women's spirit drum circle on the BSU campus - duh.    ;)      I have been involve...