Blur Softly

Fuck.  I just had a mini panic attack in my new math class.  I'm sitting outside after class trying to get into my body again.  Thank God I was recording the class because I'm not really sure what happened after the pop quiz that triggered the whole thing.

Ok, and I will acknowledge that I haven't been here on the blog for awhile.  And I will acknowledge that it's because I had a wonderful summer of play and relaxation.  My head was nowhere near writing and thinking, and this little blog suffered for of it.  You ought to feel like a friend of a fair-weather-friend - ignored unless I have a need.  But if I could just interject here, for sake of argument, and say that I am a healthier, better person for the relaxation-down time and hence might be a better blogger because of it.  No?  Not buying it?  I don't blame you.

And where is all that relaxation improvement when I am trying to take a silly math quiz?  Anxiety is such a horrible thing to experience.  And I'm doubly upset because I thought I was doing so good.  I've taken two semesters of math now, and I got a B in both classes.  Which in my world, is like an A++.  When I look at my transcripts as see those Bs, but my eyes blur softly and I can see those A++s clearly.  I know the truth.

But now I'm in Math 123 Quantitative Reasoning.  Think, a sea of word problems.  I'm so screwed.  I get time and a half for the big tests, but not for the nearly daily quizzes.  Argggg.  I hate feeling shaky and scared.  I'm an intelligent, confident women damn it!  You'd never know it to look at me right now.  Where's the cry room on this campus?  Where can a intelligent, confident women go to have a good cry around here!  Damn it!