The Ceremony

2020_06_27_The Ceremony 

Saturday morning I wake predawn and sit outside my tent. It is quiet except for a riot of bird talk. I am camped under a large pine tree. It feels like I will have my tasked ceremony at the base of this tree. That is all I know at this point. 

I am told to go on a journey to learn next steps. It was short and sweet. I was to place a piece of palo santo sap at the base of the tree. I had also packed a new, large, white sage smudge stick which I broke up into pieces and scattered around the sap. This I did after opening sacred space and setting my intention to have a ceremony to honor my Aunnunaki father. It turned out to be easy, powerful, and complete. How could something so seemingly impossible slide into place with the simplicity of a breath? 

I have much thanks to offer my tree friend for his help with all of this. Before starting I was told to go around to the other side of the tree where I found a sweet little cluster of one to five feet high new fir trees. It was the perfect surrounding for my offering. With the sap and sage gifted, I looked up at the tree and the symbolic story unfolded before my eyes. 

The main large trunk represented my Aunnunaki father. Gnarled and demanding in his stance. And me, another sturdy trunk branching off of his, almost at the base. My trunk was scarred with a large wound - the initial breaking away. Painful and not complete. Up higher was the last scarring that created the final divide. This part of the story I knew, unfolding over the past several years. 

I had been increasingly uncomfortable with my growing awareness of how we as the Annunaki race treated others in the universe and more specifically, how my ruling family treated all others. But I wasn’t bothered enough to do anything about it. I didn’t have the gumption to rock the boat. Why bother? But as time went on and I couldn't unsee what I was increasingly seeing, I started to let my discontent slip out. Ironically at that point, I was still too lazy to take action as inaction was my modus operandi. But somehow the king got word that all was not well in the kingdom. And specifically, not well with me - one of his younger sons who was expected to tow the line. I was tortured for a week. Those are the words I was given when this part of the story was told. “One week.” I am told that this race lives for millions of years so who knows how that calculates into human time. What I do know is that it was a turning point for me. I was a fence sitter no more. This experience completely opened by eyes to the reality of what was going on in my world. As a pampered (albeit largely ignored and neglected) minor prince, I hadn’t seen the sheer horror that beings throughout the universe had endured because of us. 

I didn’t have the ability, or perhaps the courage, to change the state of affairs. But I did begin to covertly and systematically rebel where I could. Who knew that those plans I had laid in place so long ago would be realized and utilized here and now. -A story for another day.  

The tree also showed a higher branch coming off of the main trunk that represented my younger Annunaki sister. I was told that just before the king had died this week, he made my sister his heir to the throne. One of her top priorities? To kill me. I don’t remember the back story, but she hates and loathes me. I assume it’s because I didn’t go along with the grand Annunaki plan - to rape and pillage the universe of any resources we decided we wanted. Suffice it to say, that my Protectors have been on high alert.

The tree had one more piece of the tale to show me. My attention was drawn to the little grove surrounding the tree. To my shock, I was told this represented the Annunaki that are growing up now and that there is hope that they are shifting and trying on new, less destructive ways of living. I know that the Annunaki are at the tail end of their reign. Their cycle, as it is, is coming to a close. I just assumed that they are all dying off and that somehow they would all come to an end. But what the tree showed me appears to be saying that some are able to shift into this new energy that we are all experiencing. Perhaps, not all is lost for this species. 

I then looked at the main trunk. The base had huge gashes and scars from what appeared to be from great violence. And then I knew, my father grew from wounds that were inflicted upon him. Everything shifted for me in that moment. And then, I remembered the concept (which I believe) that there is nothing to forgive. When we see each other on a soul level - and yes, I have to believe that the Annunaki have one too - the conclusion is that we are all in this together. We are literally all connected. My pain is everyone’s pain. My father’s wounds are mine.

All hate melted away. I reached out and placed my hand in a large gaping gash and felt nothing but love for this alien father. “Be at peace.” “I love you.” And I knew that I meant it. 

Fireside Chat

2020_06_26_Camping

I am camping with my friends R and W - social distancing of course. As I sat quietly watching the fire last night, it felt like the wood had something to say so I engaged in conversation.

Wood: I knew your Anunnaki father.

Me: How is that possible? You wouldn’t have been alive when he was here on earth. They are an ancient race that live for millions of years.

Wood: (Wood told/showed me that he was connected to all of his tree ancestors and that they all knew and remembered the same thing)

Me: What did you think of him?

Wood: He was mean.

Me: Yes, he was. (I never knew a tree could be so understated)

Shamanic Journey_Bottom of the Barrel

I’m leaving today to go camping and I felt drawn to start my day with a journey so I woke early and prepared my sacred space with clearing, grounding, and calling in my protections - standard operating procedure. Do you ever have one of those days where you just want a cheery, give me a nice rosy outlook boost of energy kind of journey? Yea, it wasn’t going to be one of those days.

I climbed on Eagle’s back and off we flew. As we landed and I slid to the ground I noticed that everything seemed dark. Not in a negative sort of way but rather in a, “I can’t see anything” way. I asked for a Spirit Helper and my new Helper Blanket appeared. As this is a new relationship, I asked him to tell me more about himself. I’m using pronouns because “it” doesn’t express the connection I’m starting to feel with this magnificent being. But neither is Blanket a she or a he. I’ll try s/he but I’m stating right here and now - we need new, expanded vocabulary, for so many reasons. But I digress. Blanket told/showed me how s/he is my pure potential. It was a quick interchange as apparently there were more pressing matters on today’s agenda. But I have high hopes that there is more to explore in that particular arena. Pure Potential - Bring it!

I’m still looking around not seeing anything when I’m told to look at my feet. (Honestly, when you’re stuck in a journey and you don’t know what’s going on, look at your feet. It will tell you so much. For example, what lifetime you are dealing with) And there they were, large claw like reptilian feet. Suffice it to say that the emerging realization of this lifetime over the past several years has not been pleasant. I have had great anguish and the need for greater healing over those events - a tale for another day. I had hoped that I had finished scraping the bottom of that particular barrel, but now I know there is at least one more piece left to address. With the death of my Anunnaki father this week, I find there is more work to be done. When I asked Blanket what was left undone regarding that relationship, I was told I needed to forgive him. I was shown how my hatred for him leaves my energy fragmented and disjointed which negatively affects me now. What is it about forgiving abusive fathers? I feel that endeavor has been embraced and released and completed with this lifetime’s human father. And now this. Does it never end.

And then Blanket wraps up this kick in the gut exchange with another piece of the story that I had not yet known. S/he said that my Anunnaki father had been displeased (a stronger word needs to be used here but you get the point) with my eventual breaking away of his commands and the Anunnaki way of doing things. He had me killed. How does one forgive one's own murderer?

I am told to have a ceremony for my Anunnaki father while I am camping this weekend. As I jumped onto Eagle’s back I shook my arms in the air and raged and demanded that the Universe better Goddamn figure out how to support me in what seems to be an impossible task. And off we flew back to my body.

Shamanic Journey_My Left Breast

I woke at 3:00 am knowing it was time for another journey. Blanket had been working on me all night lifting and removing the joyful emotions barrier that had been placed on me by my Anunnaki father (see recent post). 

Immediately and before going on the second journey, I was drawn to a new energy I could feel in the lower left quadrant of my left breast. I intuitively knew that this was the potential beginnings of cancer. I also knew that I was supposed to ask about this energy in the journey which I was about to take. I was very hesitant to do so as I feared it would be bad news. My Helping Spirit and I returned to the secure, nondescript location where I again talked to Blanket. He told me that he had removed the barrier to joy. I could feel it was so, and then I felt an explosion that ripped throughout my whole body. It wasn’t painful but it made me gasp. I’m still sitting with that experience and it is difficult to put into words. After awhile I was able to ask about the energy in my left breast. I was told that it could have gone to cancer but now it could go to joy. Then the energy in my breast started to shift and move and blossom into something I imagine is called joy. What an incredible feeling. A new experience.

I asked why the joy started in my body at that location, of all places. I was then shown vignettes of short scenes from my life. *Being inappropriately touched on my breast by my father, grandfather and others when I was a child. *Stepping out of the shower when I was very pregnant and my breasts where huge - catching the expression in the mirror on the face of my then husband as he looked at my breast in horror and disgust (I didn’t know at the time that he was gay). *Being so ashamed of my breasts that I couldn’t see them in the mirror - for years. Of course the joy needed to start there. 

Shamanic Journey_Blanket

Last night in class, Jill proposed that we go on a journey for joy. She said in these difficult times during the COVID 19 pandemic, we can struggle with many difficult emotions such as fear and isolation. She wanted us to connect with joy - and if not that, at least happiness. I confess that my experience over that past several months has been for the most part, one of inner peace. I am blessed to have a job that I can do from home and I have relished the quiet. It has given me the opportunity to sink deep into my spiritual practice. I also confess to a bit of eye rolling when she mentioned the intention of last night’s journey. I profoundly appreciate that this is a crazy time full of uncertainty and that this would be a helpful journey...for most. I didn’t really think I needed it but I went along for the ride, so to speak. And sure as shootin, the journey was specifically for me. I’m going to stop right here and tell Jill thank you for this gift. And please forgive and disregard the eye rolling.  

As I mentioned in another post, I have a new Sacred Garden near my home in Boise, Idaho. But that’s not where I was taken last night. My Spirit Helpers told me that it was not safe to go there right now as there was too much happening in the skies - all of which we wanted to avoid. They took me to a temporary, nondescript, safe place. The benefit of knowing my Spirit Helpers so well is that I trust them implicitly. I knew I would be safe and so I went without hesitation. There, I met a new Spirit Helper. I’m still a bit confused by this one as I have never seen anything like it but it felt right and my trusted Helpers vouched for it. It looked like a thick slab or sheet of energy which waved as it moved. It reminded me of Aladdin's magic carpet as it flew, but this was thicker (about six inches) and it was made of pure energy. It moved toward me and over me and enveloped me. I felt perfectly calm (which to me is a good indicator that all is well), all the while trying to figure out what I was seeing. I asked its name and it said, “Blanket.” The plot thickens. I asked why it came to visit me and it told me that my Anunnaki father had just died (which I had felt the day before - no love lost there but it was powerful energy I had to deal with at the time). Blanket showed me how this being had placed a powerful barrier on me that kept me from feeling joy. As soon as this was told to me I could see that it was so. I had always wondered why my happy feelings seemed to have a damper on them. I have certainly had my share of trauma but I have also had much healing in my life. Regardless, the loving, joyful type of emotions continued to be muted; I could never penetrate it. Blanket said that now that the Anunnaki was dead, this barrier could be removed. I said yes!

Blanket continued to move through me and at times would twist itself looking like a dishrag being wrung out. It said that it would continue to work on me through the night and that I would feel the joy later. I was also told that the joy would build up in increments as I was not used to feeling it and if it came all at once it would be overwhelming. I gave thanks and returned to my body with my original Spirit Helper.

Shamanic Broadening_Homeless

I have studied shamanism for over 25 years. Shortly before the class began - even before I knew I was taking the class - I journeyed to my long time launching place, El Capitan in Yosemite National Park, California. I grew up in California and we had gone on several memorable family trips there. It has always been a special place to me and so I wasn’t surprised that my shamanic experience grounded beneath that sacred granite monolith. 

While there, I was told by my Spirit Helpers that I would no longer be coming to this place. And indeed, I could feel that the energy was complete. There was nothing more for me there in a shamanic sense, though I do hope to visit in physical form someday as I do not live in California now. I was sad, even grieved to lose this important place where so much had happened: Intensive healing, truth discoveries galore, and most important - connection with my beloved Spirit Helpers. Without this place, I couldn’t imagine where I would go or what I would do. I was homeless. 

With COVID, I have been given the opportunity to get very quiet and go very deep. Among other things, it has taken me to a broader exploration of my shamanic, spiritual practice. The next step clicked into place as a friend of mine sent me information on a year long class called, “Shaman Visionary Circle” with Hank Wesselman PhD and his wife Jill Kuykendall. A new era. A new intention. A new home. This class coincides with a new Sacred Garden near my home in Boise, Idaho. The journey continues.