Thursday, December 19, 2019

Solstice Graduation



I graduate tomorrow on December 21, 2019.  Returning to college after 33 years.  Going to school for five years while working full time.  And now this.  I knew it was coming.  All plans for the past half decade were designed for this moment.  But now - it just doesn't seem real.  I have been inexplicably weepy.  My intuitive friend Maria clued me in yesterday that I am ending an era of my life and so of course I am emotional!

Normally fall graduations at Boise State land during the first or second week of December.  For some mysterious reason that no one on campus seems to know, this year it is happening on the 3rd Saturday.  But I know why.  It is extremely meaningful to me that I am graduating on Solstice.

Going into the longest night tomorrow issues in a seasonal era of it's own.  I am bone weary and unsure of what to do next in my life.  To consciously enter into the energy of winter at this pivotal time is essential for me.  The season of our wiseness ancestors and of my beloved companion the Bear.  I go into the time of quiet and introspection feeling beat-up and content with my accomplishments.  I shift with intention to go in.  To courageously and vulnerably embrace the me that is emerging now.  I am tentative and ready all at once. 

Thursday, December 12, 2019

Last School Post

I am crying which is unexpected to be sure.  I just posted my last assignment for school.  After five years, I am done.  Now what am I supposed to do?  Actually, I just thought of something.  Maybe now I will have enough energy to write...for fun.  I can't wait!






Wednesday, September 11, 2019

What is it about Cold Brew?


What is it about cold brew and why do I love it so much?  Coffee is coffee right?  If there is one thing I learned in Europe, not all coffees are the same.  Well, no shit Sherlock.  The coffee in Europe truly was the best I have ever tasted.  Bar none.  Where do they get those beans?  Or is it the way they make it?  And did the atmosphere and company infuse the flavor?  After Europe, I thought I was ruined with my coffee drinking in the States.  Why bother?  But I'm sipping a cold brew right now that is pretty damn tasty.  Maybe I won't have to wait for my next overseas trip to drink my next cup o' joe.


Sipping in Paris

Monday, July 29, 2019

One of the things I will miss


  • Hearing languages of all kinds all around me.  The predominant language changing as we move from country to country.  It is like song to my ears. 

Choir Concert at St. John the Baptist Windsor Parish Church











This church was build in 1822 and replaced an ancient building with Saxon arches and Norman work.  The current walls follow the medieval church layout and the original vaults remain under the present floor.  King Henry 1 refers to it so they know the original structure dates back before 1184.    






This church houses a painting of The Last Supper which is considered a national treasure.  It was presented to the Royal Chapel in 1660

The choir sings in this beautiful chapel.

Check that one off the list



As I mentioned in a previous post, one of my bucket list items for this trip was to have English tea in England.  Boy Howdy did we do that in style!  It was accomplished in a pub that is older than my country and with a view looking out at Windsor Castle.  Yes, THAT Windsor Castle, the worlds oldest and largest inhabited castle.  The one you see on shows like The Crown and a bazillion others.  We are specifically at the western end of Windsor looking across the street to the Curfew Tower which was built between 1227 and 1230.  The walls are said to be 13 feet thick at the base and are 100 feet high.  After lunch I made a bee line for the tower wall.  I did for the first time what I did many times during this trip - put my hands on the wall of some ancient edifice and listened.  

I have done this many times with rocks, mountains and nature in general, always finding an old and wise voice.  But I had never done it to an ancient structure made by humans with their various intentions.  It was so strange to feel the energy of something that old that wasn't nature made.  The voice was old and full of many experiences.  I didn't go too deep as that would have been too much for me.  It was a prison at one point and the tower had also experienced centuries of war and all kinds of atrocities, I am sure.  I got a nice surface feel without going into too much detail.  I would probably still be there heaped in a puddle on the ground if I had, with an energetic overload of brutality and human suffering.  I know my limits.   

 
The Curfew Tower, Windsor Castle

By the way, this grassy knoll is where the band preformed their concert later in the day.  Not too shabby for a venue! 
After the band concert



Susan outside of Windsor Castle's front entrance - for tourists anyway.  I'm guessing the Queen and family come and go elsewhere on the grounds.  I would if I were them, to avoid the gawking crowds.  What a constant down-side of being royalty - gawking crowds and having to use the back door to your own home. 



And what was for lunch?  A splendid melt-in-your-mouth mutton shank with mashed potatoes and carrots in a divine gravy the likes of which I have never tasked.  Sandy is displaying their traditional brown sauce of which I am not yet a fan.  Give me time. 



Seed Money


British pounds for London.  Swiss Franks for Switzerland.  Europes for everything else.  I'm sitting in a London pub (across from Windsor Castle no less) ready to make my first purchase of the trip and I pull out all of my seed money.  About $60 of each.  They are all pretty and new, with some cool colors and shiny bits.  But I have no idea what's what.  Maybe I shouldn't have mixed them all together.  Ooops...  My sister Sandy, the world traveler, comes to my aid and all is well.  I can do this!  (Sandy, don't ever leave me!!)

Post European Funk

I've been home from my Europe tour a week and I've been in a funk.  I'm tired.  The fast and furious pace from beginning to end took it's toll on me, but that's not it.  I miss Europe.  I miss my new friends.  I miss the students.  I miss being with my brother and sister.  I miss Europe.  My mind keeps flitting back and forth between my two worlds - Europe trip and my "normal" life.  I can't seem to land on just one.  I can't seem to determine which one I want to live in.  I'm depressed. 

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

While I was gone

I crossed the 10,000 page view mark!  It still blows my mind that anyone reads this little blog of mine.  But according to Google,

Pageviews all time history
10,036

Pardon the Wait

Between major connectivity problems and intense lack of time, I scraped the "blog as I go" plan and took major notes and photos to compose at a later date.  I got back to Boise last night from Europe and plan to use the month of August to process and post an extraordinary experience - one I shall never forget.  (To be accomplished all before fall semester starts!)

Friday, July 5, 2019

Sweater vest anyone?

After a break yesterday for the Fourth of July, we are back at it for the third and last day of band/choir camp.  How do these kids do it?  They are in rehearsals ALL day and they give it their best to the very end.  Some of these kids have just graduated from junior high barely a month ago.  I am so tremendously impressed with them and I look forward to getting to know them more individually.  I understand this happens quite a bit more on the busses once we get to Europe.  Our travel is all by bus once we get there.

While the highly capable music staff run the students through their paces, we logistic staff are busy doing an endless list of tasks.  I am good at strategic planning, organizing, and logistics.  I have put together many an event from large to small, but I have never been involved with anything of this  magnitude.  I stand in awe.  There are a huge amount of moving pieces to this endeavor of taking so many people on a six country international concert tour. And then you throw in the human element of conflict, illness, fatigue, and it all gets more complicated.  But I am in my element, and I am with the very best.  So I am both learning a lot, and having a whole lot of fun.  By the end of the day I am exhausted to the bone.  And we haven’t even got on the plane yet!

This morning’s job - I am on uniform detail.  Kids, staff, and traveling adults who have bought the wrong size can now exchange.  Or if they want something more, we have some to sell.  I am that gal! And I am on it!  Care for a tie?  How about a sweater vest?  As my brother put it when talking to the kids, by it’s self the sweater vest look it’s not all that attractive.  But in a group, it looks professional and fantastic.


Quick, more tissues!

Holy cow, I’ll never get through this without crying.  The band is playing one of my favorite songs, Nessun dorma.”  The soloist will be one of the music teachers on the tour.  He has the voice of an angel and I tear up every time they practice.  I don’t think I’ve packed enough Kleenex.

Here is one of my favorite singers preforming one of my favorite songs.  Listen and enjoy.  I’ve already warned you about the Kleenex so be prepared.

Luciano Pavarotti sings “Nessun dorma” from Turandot (The Three Tenors in Concert 1994)


Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Stars and Stripes Forever


Oh Happy Day!  The band will be preforming John Philip Sousa's "Stars and Stripes Forever."  They had me at Sousa!  Oh, but wait, it gets better.  Much better.  The choir and staff are going to jump in and sing the last verse.  Can life possibly get any better?  I have to go now, I'm memorizing words. 

Hurrah for the flag of the free!
May it wave as our standard forever,
The gem of the land and the sea,
The banner of the right.
Let despots remember the day
When our fathers with mighty endeavor
Proclaimed as they marched to the fray
That by their might and by their right
It waves forever.

First Aid Kit

Band/choir camp.  One day down and two medical emergencies later.  As a nurse I'm happy to help, but I have to be careful as I am not hired as a nurse and indeed, the staff is not allowed to give medical aid or medications due to liability reasons.  The point is to get the students emergency medical care as quickly as possible, if needed.  We are well plugged-in for such contingencies all along our European route.  But sometimes medical aid is need immediately until professional care is available.  After some thought I packed supplies to stop bleeding and a CPR mask.  It feels weird not to have more but it will have to do. 

P.S.  Everyone is fine from yesterday's events. 


Excellence

In doing the very best you can do.  In bringing that together with others in a common purpose.  It brings tears to my eyes to watch it unfold. 

Here at band/choir camp, I spend every moment I can between my logistics responsibilities to sneak in and watch rehearsals.  And at present, I am sitting in the main area where I can hear snippets of both the band and choir rehearsals.  A cacophony?  No!  Sweet music to my ears.  I prefer to watch a rehearsal more than the actual performance.  I love to watch a good director pick a music piece apart and lead the performers to achieve their highest ability and beyond - individually and collectively.  Pure magic. 



Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Rehearsals have begun

I’m headed to Europe on Saturday with about 220 of Utah’s finest high school musicians - band and choir.  My beloved and amazing brother is leading this talented horde along with staff (that’s me!).  But first, band/choir camp.  From grade school to college I was one such musician.  So, from the first notes of warm up to when the baton drops for the last time, I am in hog heaven.  Europe and music, it doesn’t get any better than that.

Right now they are rehearsing Mambo.  I promise you, I will be dancing during the performance.  Which one?  All of them, all across Europe.

This isn't our group but it will give you an idea of the shenanigans to be had.  Fun song!

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

The United Order and other like beliefs

     Have you ever had the experience of waiting to have a question answered?  But you didn't realize you had the question until suddenly, one day...the answer is there.  Then you realized you'd had that question all along.  This has been my experience while reading Secondhand Time:  The Last of the Soviets, by Svetlana Alexievich.  My question is this, "What were the opinions and stories of the people of Russia during the time frame of my own life?"  I have heard so much about them from news and politicians (theirs and ours).  And I studied Western Civilization last summer where I learned about the high points...(and low points) of their history.  But how did the people feel about all of this?  

     I had long suspected that there was more to the story than I was hearing.  And I have a personal twist to this story that gave me a perspective that perhaps has not been considered by most outside of Russia.  I grew up a stick Mormon until I left the religion in my mid thirties.  During my growing up years, I would be plagued by questions such as,  "Why don't you believe in God?",  "How many wives does your father have?",  "Where are your horns?"  I'm quite sure I was not eloquent in my response, if I responded at all.  I tended to me afraid and confused by these irrelevant questions.  But now, with a Mormon presidential candidate in recent years, and with generally more awareness of Mormonism, and because I don't hang with Mormons much these days, I don't have to explain these things any more.   

     There was one doctoral teaching I remember that was not irrelevant to Mormons.  I grew up with the clear understanding that God expected us to live what is call the, "United Order".  I was taught that this Divine revolution had been brought to the earth (in the 1800s) to be lived by it's faithful and obedient people.  What happened next seemed like an embarrassment to me, though no one I knew ever couched it in those particular words.  The early Mormon people were not able to handle it and so the "Divine principle" was taken away.  But with the clear understanding that God would bring it back when the people had evolved to a state where they could live by that principle.

     So, what is the United Order?  Basically, the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) would give all they had to the Bishop (leader of the local congregation) who would then distribute it to all the members in a fair and equal way.  Sound familiar?  It did to me.  I was young, but throughout the Cold War I would hear time and time about the horrors of Soviet communism.  In my youth, I would think (but not dare ask out loud), what's the difference between communism and the United Order?  We Mormons were no longer living it because we weren't mature enough and ready for it, but at least the Russians were giving it a go.  What was I missing?  

     Back in the day I spent a good amount of time contemplating actually living communism/United Order.  More than most non Mormon Americans, I would guess.  What would it be like?  I thought it was a wonderful idea to have no one left out of the community or going hungry.  But I also knew stories from the early Mormon days of incidents of less-than-altruistic humans making a muck of it all.  As I got older and learned more about Russian communism, I still felt unsatisfied because I didn't know how the people felt about it.  After all, it was supposed to be for the people and to help the people.  I'm grateful for this book of multilayered, complex stories that give me a peek into what their lives were like.  And perhaps, something of how my own life would had been like had I been born into my Mormon community 100+ years earlier.   



Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Every Sip


My first European trip is coming up fast!  I've been crazy busy scouring my to-do lists, rules and regulations, and what to pack and not pack documents.  My guest bedroom has been sacrificed to this cause; it's full of piles of sundry items, and lists, and little travel bottles of various liquids including laundry soap.  I plan to wash and hang my dirty-to-clean underwear across six countries.  And yes, my little rope and clothes pins are in the pile too.

As I sit here in my burgeoning excitement, the thing I am most excited about this morning is drinking British tea.  "Susan could get that in the states," you may be thinking to yourself.  But drinking it here and drinking it there will be two entirely different experiences, I am quite sure.  And when I am there, I intend to savor every sip.

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Healed

What does healed look like to you? No answers here, just a very important question.

Monday, May 20, 2019

The Quilt

    This is a discussion post for my class, Diversity in the City.  Wow, writing about my San Francisco days really brought me to tears.  It was such an intense time of fear about AIDS and the struggle for equality.  And I was a mess in the middle.  Still very Mormon with a gay husband in constant fear of his life.  I knew a man that had been stabbed just for being gay - so the fear was real.  But my short time of volunteering for the Quilt Project was never a hesitation in my mind.  I am honored to have done so.  


Many people at that time who died of AIDS did not have a funeral because of the stigma and many funeral homes wouldn't prepare the bodies because of the fear.  Cleve Jones (actually the man I knew that had gotten stabbed) came up with the idea for the quilt during the Milk/Moscone candle light march (they were both assassinated by a homophobe).  The quilts were created to make up for the lack of memorial services and grave sites.  Each quilt was 3 x 6 feet - the size of a coffin and made out of material that was designed and made by loved ones of the deceased.  It was truly a sight to behold to realize that each of those panels represented someone who died.  




Homework Post -


One good example of how a city can play a character is in the movie, “Milk”.  This setting also contributes greatly to a portrayal of LGBTQ+ communities. San Francisco and especially the Castro District have long been thought of as friendly places for this population.  And it was a key presence in this movie. I lived in the Bay Area in the 80’s and this story was still remembered and talked about. I volunteered on the NAMES Project AIDS Memorial Quilt in San Francisco when it was last shown in the Moscone Center in its entirety for the last time (because it had gotten so large - it was shown in smaller pieces after that).  This project memorialized the large amounts of gay man dying from AIDS related causes at that time and especially in that city. San Francisco is definitely a main character in the LGBTQ+ story.


On page 14 Fainstein talks about a Just City in her article, “Cities and Diversity: Do we want it? Can we Plan for it?”  She quotes Nussbaum in, “Women and Human Development” when she lists a set of capabilities needed for full human development.  Fainstein likens this list to one that is needed in a Just City which are democracy, equity, diversity, growth, and sustainability.  One of the reasons it can be difficult to plan for diversity is because in some cases these important values need to be traded off against each other.  For example, growth and equity and also growth and sustainability may compete against each other. But with this and other difficulties, I absolutely think it is imperative that we plan for diversity and inclusion.  And I absolutely feel that I do not want to live/work/go to school in a place that does not do the same. As I have stated in other writings in the class, diversity and inclusion are paramount to me and this class has shown me even more why this is important.   

Friday, May 17, 2019

Deteriorated Sense of Citizenship

I am taking a new class this summer called, Diversity in the City.  It focuses on the depiction of American and global urbanism through one of the most popular forms of media - film and television which portray a variety of urban conditions including diversity, inclusion, equity, and social justice.
It's pretty ironic that I am taking this class because I rarely go to the movies and I haven't watched TV in years.  But so far I really love it. I wrote this post after watching the movies, Citizen Jane (about Jane Jacobs), Pleasantville, and Radiant City.

     I grew up in the suburbs.  And yet, these movies explained so much of the suburb life that I did not know, or at least had never really thought of before.  There were certain things that rang true that I had always noticed, but never consciously acknowledged about that life.  For example, in the movie, Radian City, the children talked about how they didn't know their neighbors even after living there for a year.  The daughter had to take public transportation across a large city with several transfers just to visit her friend.  Even the visual is uninviting - a large garage door and a small front door.  I have never liked this look but I have not equated it for what it is, unfriendly without a space to gather with friends and family.  No one is looking at the street. 
     There is no chance for interaction and human connection.  Marc Boutin called it, Deteriorated Sense of Citizenship.  He states that because we don't spend time together and because we are so isolated, we have gotten to the point that we can't tolerate being around each other any more.  I'm still troubled by this statement because I see that it is true.  I watch the scenes in the movie Citizen Jane of the various boroughs in Manhattan.  Children are playing and the adults are visiting.  I can't deny it - they look happy.  Where has that gone?
     But I don't want the other end of that spectrum either as depicted by the movie, Pleasantville.  I grew up in a family where we had to pretend that everything and everyone was happy - which was far from the truth.  Watching the TV show Ozzie and Harriet makes my skin crawl.  I guess the truth is that humans are messy.  Yet, I had never thought about that being reflected in our cities and living spaces.  
     I am an energy healer and the basic premise is that moving, flowing, balanced energy is healthy energy and leads to a healthy physical state.  As I watched these movies, especially Citizen Jane, I had an epiphany that a city is like an energy body!  It needs to move and flow in a natural, organic way to be healthy.  It can't be forced or arranged on a piece of paper.  It just doesn't work that way. 

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Sustained Peace

This is from a recent weekend class. Wow, one of my all time favorites.
I think everyone on the planet should take a class like this.
Then where would we be?



DISPUT 594 - Self-Awareness in Conflict
Susan Fullmer
5 May, 2019

My Contribution to World Peace
       When I first learned the Three-Part Assertion Skill, I was a mental health nurse working for the Portland VA in their Mental Health Intensive Case Management Program (MHICM).  At the time, I was a nurse case manager with a full caseload of Veterans with chronic, persistent, and severe mental illness. I had never had great boundaries when it came to standing up for myself and asking (let alone insisting) that others respect me.  I chalk this up to sexual abuse in my childhood from my father, grandfather, and others. I had come a long way in healing and starting to develop better boundaries with good therapy and time. But then, in this job, I found that I was very triggered when dealing with this mostly male population who were frequently socially inappropriate and constantly pushing boundaries.  I felt overwhelmed and off balance. Looking back, I believe that the heart of this dilemma was my poor communication skills, which also stemmed from my childhood.
In the book, People Skills, Robert Bolton states that poor communication has heavy consequences which can include loneliness, emotional distance and overall personal ineffectiveness.  This was certainly the case for me in my life and in this job. During the ten years I worked for MHICM, I not only learned to communicate better, I developed much clearer boundaries for myself.  And in turn, I was able to teach my clients how to create and maintain their own healthy boundaries.
    Robert Bolton talks about Assertive Communication which contains three parts.  First, start with a nonjudgmental description of the behavior to be changed. Next, disclosure of the asserter’s feelings.  I was taught that, “I feel” statements cannot be truly refudiated because I am the expert on how I feel. It also helps to keep judgement out of the statement as it isn’t accusatory, but rather simply stating how I feel.  Lastly, give a clarification of the concrete and tangible effect of the other person’s behavior on the asserter. The format would look like this. “When you (state the behavior non judgmentally), I feel (disclose your feelings) because (clarify the effect on your life).”  Bolton reminds us to make the message factual and not to infer anything about the other person’s motives, feelings, intentions or personality.
When I first learned this, I didn’t think I could do it.  Saying the words felt very strange and awkward to me. I thought it would sound silly and manipulating.  But I gave it a try because the therapists I worked with strongly recommended it. It was hard at first but over time it felt more and more comfortable.  And the best part, it works! I even use it in my personal life. In fact, I use it now with hardly even thinking about what I’m saying. It feels not only natural, but honest and clear.  I have learned to speak clearly, asking for what I want.
Robert Bolton also talks about expecting a Push-Back response when using this skill.  And I have found that to be true as well. Not everyone wants to respect a healthy boundary, and frankly, that’s to be expected.  Otherwise there probably wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. People can feel defensive and I find that some people just don’t like to be pinned down to good behavior.  Bolton recommends that we prepare for a Push-Back by thinking ahead of time what we might want to say, give the three-part assertive message (as stated above) and then - silence. I think this is a very important step because I have found it’s helpful to let the other person think about what has been said and then respond.  We shouldn’t be too quick to speak and interrupt that process. Then we can use reflective listening skills to help clarify what the other person has said and help them feel heard.  And then Bolton advises repeating those steps as often as necessary and to focus on the solution. He believes that persistence is a crucial aspect of assertion.
Learning about this technique in class was a good reminder of a skill I hadn’t thought of in a while.  I also had a good “ah-ha” moment. When we used this skill with our mental health clients, we added on a fourth step and that was to state the desired outcome.  When I mentioned this in class the professor stated that most people don’t need that step as they already understand what is needed. I realized that we probably needed to include the desired outcome in MHICM because our clients weren’t usually functional enough to come to that conclusion.  Sometimes they needed it spelled out for them. But I’m not dealing with mental health clients now and I do trust most people will know what they need to do. However, I will keep that fourth step in my back pocket for emergencies if needed.
I also enjoyed learning about the Assertive Skill, Immediacy.  It focuses on being direct and open with someone with whom you are communicating regarding a situation in the here and now.  It will include how the communicator is feeling about the immediate situation. This technique is helpful in moving through difficult experiences and resolving conflict.  It can be difficult to confront a situation honestly. Especially when there is a lack of trust or a sense of distance, but this is the best time to use this skill. This would have been impossible for me when I was younger.  I had no voice or confidence.  Any kind of tension or conflict sent me fleeing.  But over the years I have built more confidence and I have learned the power of honesty in the moment.  If done in a kind, yet clear way this can be very effective. To me, it’s about drawing attention to what is actually going on instead of pretending the proverbial elephant isn’t sitting in the middle of the living room.  I have also found that if things are not addressed early on, the situation festers and just gets worse. There also seems to be a feeling of relief in the group when someone is willing to state the obvious. I intend to continue to practice this skill of Immediacy and use it often.
I am grateful to have learned about communication and conflict management skills.  And I especially appreciate being able to look at my own triggers when it comes to dispute resolution.  I like what William Ury said in his book, Getting to Yes with Yourself.” He speaks about the biggest obstacle to having satisfying relationships and successful agreements is ourselves and our natural tendency to react in ways that do not serve our true interests.  Ury states, “Now I have come to realize that I was the one who was perhaps unrealistic in believing that we could arrive at a sustained peace in this world without also doing the necessary work within ourselves.”  
I appreciate classes such as, “Self-Awareness in Conflict” and how it helps me understand myself and learn how to better interact with others. I have long felt that the world cannot experience any deeper peace than I myself feel.  Therefore, my greatest contribution to world peace is to explore and know my own inner peace.
Works Cited
Bolton, Robert. People Skills. Prentice-Hall, 1986.
Ury, William. Getting to Yes with Yourself: (and Other Worthy Opponents).
HarperOne, An Imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers, 2015.




Monday, May 13, 2019

Winternight Trilogy

Given my recent visit to the Akashic Records where I learned about a past life in Russia, I now understand why I was so enthralled by the Winternight Trilogy by Katherine Arden.




Sunday, May 12, 2019

Akashic Records


For years I’ve known about the Akashic Records.  But I’ve not been drawn to them until now. I was just listening to the book, “I’m Over all That: And Other Confessions” by Shirley MacLaine where she reminded me that they are there.  And now they are calling to me. I’ve spend time over the last few days exploring them. Such different energy! Truth is universal no matter the source, but it has been my experience that those different sources can feel quite different from each other: Guides, Helpers, ancestors that have done their work, animals, plants, earth, planetary bodies, etc.  And let’s not forget, Mother/Father God. And now the Akashic Records. The interesting thing about the Records is that they don’t feel like a personality. It feels like a library with a voice. I hear the answers when I ask the questions. But it doesn’t feel like a sentient being. I feel there are sentient beings around, perhaps to maintain and/or protect.

So where do I go for answers?  All the above. But it is more nuanced than that.  And I will often turn to my intuition for starters.  When I have a question that I want to explore, I’ll ask myself (and the general universal knowing), “Where do I go for this answer?”  And I will start there.

I also find that sometimes not just one source comes to the party.  It can be a mixed team of truth tellers who help me figure it all out. Like this morning. I was asking about abundance.  I have come so far on this subject, but I’m still not having the money flow I have been creating.  If that happens I know I simply need to pause and go deeper. I peel back the layers as knowledge and healing unfolds.  And I trust in timing. If I am asking for help and ALSO paying attention, it will come to me in the correct time. Waiting for Creator’s time and not my time has been a stickler for me and has taught me patience - DAMN IT ALL!  (ok, maybe I’m still working on the patience part...)

But back to Abundance.  This morning I was asking the Akashic Records about my money flow situation and why I am stuck.  The Records showed me a past life I had in Russia. I’m going to stop right here and say I have always had complicated feelings about Russia.  Sure, I grew up in the Cold War era, but that’s not it. And besides, all that stuff never made sense to me. It seemed like a bunch of insecure, power (outer, not inner) hungry men in a pissing contest.  No, my feelings were personal which I could never understand as I had never been to Russia or even met anyone from Russia. Later in my adult years I realized I had had a couple of past lives there as a female with a very abusive male which explained some of the emotions I felt, but not all.

This morning I learned that I had had a past life there as some kind of Tsar.  I was filthy rich, as rich as it comes. Among other dalliances of the rich, I had women galore.  As many as I wanted and as often as I wanted.  Until one day, I saw a young women who was my Twin Flame.  Of course there was instant attraction on my part that went far beyond my typical lust.  I had to have her. But she did not want me because, well let’s face it, I was not the kind of person anyone with a pure heart would want to be anywhere near.  Not like that would stop me and I ordered her to my side. She killed herself rather than being with me. It devastated me to my core. I had everything anyone could want but it wasn’t enough to give me the thing I desired the most.  In that moment I wanted nothing to do with wealth. No wonder I don’t want money in my life.

This was coupled with my ancestors telling me that part of my stuckness has to do with what I inherited (in my energy and in my DNA) of some fucked up notions about money.  They said I didn’t need the details of the stories but could initiate healing on this matter, which I did. We can do the healing for our ancestors which they cannot do for themselves. We can do it because we are in physical form - a necessity.  The beauty of this kind of healing is that it helps us, them, and any posterity to come. All good.

Friday, May 10, 2019

Song

This is a song sung to a redundant yet catchy tune.  
When I meet you, I will sing it for you.

If you’re dancin’ with your Honey
And your nose gets runny
And she thinks it’s funny

It’s-not


Thursday, May 9, 2019

The High Cost of Humanitarian Logistics

Susan Fullmer
Sp19 - MDS 420 - Globalization    
14 April 2019



The High Cost of Humanitarian Logistics


Most people, especially those who live in affluent areas, tend to take energy for granted.  They often don’t realize that energy is a valuable commodity. It can be scarce and some predict that it will become even more scarce in the future.  Predictions assume that global energy demands will stay in constant flux while consumption of energy will exponentially increase at least as steadily as the population growth, if not more.  This growth will also increase as countries of emerging economies continue to modernize and industrialize. Two current examples of this would be China and India. These types of countries will logically have growing demands for energy independence and attempt to ensure their own energy assets.

In the Energy Issue Brief in Globalization 101, Matthew Ocheltree states that, “Energy...will play an increasingly important role in the lives of all global citizens in the coming years.”  He also states that globalization is complicating the global energy landscape in such a way that we are only beginning to understand. Ocheltree reports, “Strong global economic growth and the need to ship more goods and services around the world have raised demand for energy in many sectors.”  Nowhere is this more evident than in the transportation of food. This paper will argue that it is important to consider every option in decreasing energy, time, and cost when it comes to the transportation of a focused area of shipping food - Aid and post disaster relief.

In regards to food, we rely on the shipping industry.  There are currently over a hundred thousand working vessels on the sea.  Shipping goods has quadrupled in size since 1970 and it’s estimated that 90% of everything we have has been delivered by boat.  We depend on this method of delivery more than ever. This is also true of humanitarian aid.

On the surface, shipping seems like an efficient and “green” way to spend our energy while transporting such things as food.  Shipping only pollutes one thousandth of aviation and one tenth of trucking. But that doesn’t take the whole picture into account.  When you combine the mass volume of shipping and calculate it that way, you get a very different story.

In the TED Talk, “Inside the Secret Shipping Industry,” Rose George states that we need to compare shipping miles with air miles.  When doing this we find, for example, that shipping has 3 - 4% more emissions than aviation. When looking at particles, ashes, and soot, fifteen large ships pollutes the same as all the cars in the world!  (Keep in mind that there are over 100,000 ships currently at sea) This astounding comparison is even better understood when we look at the type of fuel these ships are using. It’s called “Bunker Fuel” or as people in the industry call it, “The dregs of the refinery, (one step up from asphalt).”  Why in the world would the shipping industry use such polluting fuel? It’s simple, they have tight margins.  They want to go fast. And they want to go cheap.

Also, shipping has had a horrible effect on the acoustic habitats of ocean creatures that communicate by sound.  This is a definite downside of shipping and sadly, there are no laws governing acoustic pollution.

Fortunately, there are studies regarding the efficacy and costs of shipping humanitarian aid.   There are models to program best decisions related to the distribution of international aid and post catastrophic disaster relief.  Often in these situations, non-profit international organizations and foreign countries will offer assistance by shipping necessary products to the country in need.

The sending country will of course want to minimize their shipping costs.  On the other hand, the receiving country wants to receive the aid and distribute it to the affected areas as efficiently and quickly as possible.  One example of this would be the earthquake in Chile in 2010. Studies were done on this and other similar events. They came up with some recommendations for aid distribution for future disasters.  The efficient delivery of this aid can prevent deaths caused by starvation and disease. The study of the importance of speed and efficiency in the supply chain in these situations is called Humanitarian Logistics.

"A Bi-Level Optimization Model for Aid Distribution after the Occurrence of a Disaster" in the Journal of Cleaner Production was one such example of research into Humanitarian Logistics.  José-Fernando Camacho-Vallejo laid out a variety of models used when considering post-disaster response and recovery, some including complex mathematical equations. Camacho-Vallejo states that, “All models focus on response to the disaster to preserve life, infrastructure, environment, and the social, economic and political structure of the affected community.  His paper focused on the response stage to consider problems of distribution and transportation. Aside from the country to country transportation, they also had to consider the in-country transportation which could be disrupted in the case of natural disasters such as earthquakes. They considered many solutions for many scenarios. But one consideration remained the same in all situations - keeping transportation costs down.  

As it happens, the United States delivers its food assistance primarily by overseas shipping.  According to the research study, Assessing the Impact of U.S. Food Assistance Delivery Policies on Child Mortality in Northern Kenya, the approach is costlier and less time efficient. Their cheaper and faster solution is cash-based assistance.  This would include cash transfers, food vouchers, and local and regional procurement. To make matters worse, the United States also requires that half of its transoceanic food shipments need to be sent on U.S. flag vessels. This can delay shipping even more.  The study on Kenya shows that these food assistance distribution policies are so delaying of delivery that it causes a higher level of child mortality in the affected country. Not only does the current policies slow the delivery of food, but it is more costly due to shipping expenses.  And this is money that could have been spent on more humanitarian aid.

It is critical that we consider new options for the delivery of food and other aid for post disaster relief in hopes of finding faster, cheaper and more efficient ways of delivering this aid.

Works Cited


Camacho-Vallejo, José-Fernando, et al. “A Bi-Level Optimization Model for Aid Distribution after the Occurrence of a Disaster.” Journal of Cleaner Production, vol. 105, 2015, pp. 134–145., doi:10.1016/j.jclepro.2014.09.069.


George, Rose--Inside the Secret Shipping Industry.” TED, 13 Dec. 2013, www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7RsRnYlz7I&t=371s.


Nikulkov, Alex, et al. “Assessing the Impact of U.S. Food Assistance Delivery Policies on Child Mortality in Northern Kenya.” Plos One, vol. 11, no. 12, 2016, doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0168432.

Ocheltree, Matthew, et at. “Energy Issue Brief.” Globalization 101, http://www.globalization101.org/about-us/