The Gay Girl Converts to Witchcraft

     I went to a poetry slam last night and there was a guest poetry writer.  Lydia Havens read some of her poetry and I was moved.  I ended up buying her book.  I'm going to share a couple of her poems here for your enjoyment, and because her words are important.

The Gay Girl Converts to Witchcraft

by Lydia Havens

I swallowed the weather long ago,
like it was a lemon drop.  I cast
a hex against every person
who had hurt me when I came out
in middle school, and every cloud
came flying into my mouth.

Maybe they mistook me for a bird.
Maybe this was my calling, to mix
sea water with black candle wax
and old paper to get my revenge.
I have so much anger, it could
overflow across the entirety
of California.  I am the flash flood,
no warning.  I am a deserted
force of nature.

In seventh grade, I told one girl I
was not attracted to boys, and it
left a million scars.  Boys left
bastardized Bible Psalms in my locker,
until I forgot my combination.  Girls
I had never even talked to before
asked if I had crushes on them, until
I started eating my lunch in the bathroom.

Then, at last, I finally became
all the right kinds of shadow,
all the right kinds of ugly,
but middle school was long over,
and I was long gone.

When I discovered just how powerful
I could be with spells between
my teeth, my body became greedy
for magick - the healing kind.
The wary kind.  That's how I've lived
my life, after all, patching up my own
wounds and never trusting anybody,
or anything.

I swallowed the weather long ago,
and it didn't change the world.  It didn't
change my world, really.  I sit in
my bedroom with my seashells
and rain, concoct until the sun rises
with my lungs.  Sometimes, I am as bitter
as milk thistle.  Other times,
I am brimming with forgiveness,
swallowing my knees and pulling
apologies out like teeth.

Once, my father teased me, asked if
I was a good witch, or a bad witch.

I just shrugged.  But I wanted to reply,
I'm only the witch I needed years ago.

     This one brought me to tears.  It's called Smart Girls.  Because of my own hellacious school experience due to having dyslexia, I related to this poem.  Here it is on You Tube.

Smart Girls

by Lydia Havens

Thoughts on a Poetry Slam

     I went to my first poetry slam last night.  What have I been waiting for?  It was truly awesome.  There were a handful of poems that so moved me that I think every human should hear them.  How can we make that happen?

     I went to my first poetry slam last night and they made me a judge.  What is wrong with this picture?  Other than the fact that I may have permanently scared a few young people for life with a low score, I think I was a good judge.  I tried to be consistent and go with what moved me and the audience.  Having no experience with poetry what so ever, what else could I do?  But it was all good fun, and I am actively praying for the souls I have destroyed.

     I went to my first poetry slam last night and here are a few tips I would like to share, that will be helpful to you if you ever decide to do the same.  There is a learning curve and I am going to help you through it.  Wish someone had done the same for me.

• Click your fingers when you like something you hear.  At first I thought people were being extremely rude, but turns out it's a good thing.  It's like an instant, quiet applause so you can still hear the poetry.  Or at least I think that's what was going on.  No one ever really explained it to me.  

• Anyone can read their poetry.  And in my opinion, everyone should.  It's a friendly, supportive atmosphere designed to encourage people to be brave, get up there, and bare their souls.  Besides, the judges don't know what the hell they are doing and can be ignored completely.  I know this for a fact.  

• There is a time limit.  They take this very seriously.  I get it.  It helps the evening flow and gives everyone time to read.  And in the spirit of being supportive, they have a fun, distinctive way of reminding folks - don't go over the three minute time limit.  Here's what you do.  After the person has read their poem, the time keeper states if they have gone over the three minutes.  If they have, everyone in the room shouts at the top of their lungs (and I'm not exaggerating here), "You dirty rat bastard, you are ruining it for everyone!"  It's hysterical and disturbing all at the same time.  Hardly anyone goes over time.  

Why now?

Why, oh why, do I get my best ideas for writing in the middle of the night?  And by "best ideas", I mean any old stray thought that flits through my brain at 0330 when I can't sleep.  On the good side, I have this handy blog and an unsuspecting audience to torture with these "best ideas".  On the down side, school will be shitty today because I'm up writing instead of getting much needed sleep.

Math = Crazy Shit

Nothing more to be said on the subject

Tarot Dick

     Last night on my live radio talk show, I goofed big time.  Did I mention it was a live show?  I was interviewing a guest artist who is making his own tarot deck.  As I was talking my brain said, "tarot deck" but what came out of my mouth...well let's just say I temporarily got confused between an "e" and an "i".  Oh yes, I said it out loud.  Did I mention it was a live show?

     Dear Lord, let this be my biggest mistake ever in my radio career.  Let that be, all behind me now.  No more please.  Ever.

This I Believe

Here's a paper from our ethics section.  I guess the take away from all of this, is that I have developed a strong set of ethics over the years without even realizing it.  It felt good to get in down on paper.  It also felt good to look back over many experiences to see how I have come to believe as I do.

This I Believe

Susan L. Fullmer

Boise State University

Author Note

UF 300 Assignment:  Ethics, 3/19/16

Table of Contents

           Abstract 3

           This I Believe. 4

           References. 5

Abstract

My ethical beliefs have not come to me in one dramatic moment, but rather, by a serious of countless moments over a life time.  I have watched and noticed what is important in life.  I have questioned the beliefs I was handed as a child, and I continue to question everything that crosses my path.  I look for outcome, because I have found that that is where the truth of the process lies.  This paper discusses those beliefs and the formats they take in my personal and professional life. 

     The older I get, the simpler my belief system becomes.  I believe in inclusion, and I believe I should treat people the way I want to be treated.  And given that I want to be included, I suppose I could simplify my list by one less item.  But I feel so strongly about inclusion that I’m going to leave it in.  So, I’m down to two items on my Belief List.  I’d say it’s a good solid list, and it has served me well both personally and professionally.  My life has included a series of painful events – both as the recipient of the pain, and the observer of other’s pain.  I am a healer at heart, and so pain and the causing of pain has always perplexed me.  Why do we create it, if no one likes it?  And I’ll take that one step further, why don’t we do everything possible to prevent it?  From hard won experience I know that I can only change myself, and so this I do.  The world cannot know any greater peace than I feel within myself.  I believe that I create a more peaceful experience for others by being my own peace. 

     One thing I have learned, for better or worst, is that we become more like the people with which we spend time.  This, of course, can be used to our advantage both personally and professionally.  James MacGregor Burns presents a leadership theory which contains a strong ethical and moral component.  It is called, “The Transforming Leadership Theory”.  Mr. Burns believes that, “Leaders and followers raise one another to higher levels of morality and motivation” (Burns 1978, p.20).  I believe that we inspire others and are inspired by others simultaneously, which has a positive, moral effect on the whole. 

     Even though I feel solid about my ethical decisions, I don’t pretend that this is an easy process.  Especially between people whose moral values conflict.  Kidder (1995) refers to, “those that pit one ‘right’ value against another” (p. 16).  “The really tough choices, then, do not center upon right versus wrong.  They involve right versus right.  They are genuine dilemmas precisely because each side of the problem is firmly rooted in one of our basic, core values” (p. 18).  This is an area that I think I can improve upon.  In school, I am working towards a certificate in Dispute Resolution, and I know that this situation will be a challenge for me.  I found Kidder’s (2009) four examples of the dilemma paradigm model helpful in understanding right-versus-right choices.  They are as follows:  Justice versus mercy, short term versus long term, individual versus community, and truth versus loyalty. 

     There is something else that I have learned that helps in my moral decision making in all aspects of my life.  I know that we humans are much more similar than dissimilar.  When I am dealing with a conflict between people, I have found that if I get to the real heart of the story – all sides of the story – that they tend not to be so far apart as first thought.   Hearing the story can give me a better ethical compass from which to judge, and problem solve.  I find that there is often a solution that will be positive for all parties.  And this seems the best ethic of all.

References

Burns, J. M. (2003). Transforming leadership: A new pursuit of happiness (Vol. 213). Grove Press.

Kidder, R. M. (1995). How good people make tough choices. New York: Morrow.

Kidder, R. M. (2009). Moral courage. Harper Collins.

Lower standards of a student

     I finally, finally cleaned my house today.  I surely hope that I will remember what keeping a clean house is all about, post graduation.

Sweet Reprieve

It snowed today.

     Sadly, not this much.  But I like the picture.  Winter is my favorite time of year.  I'm just not feeling ready to let it go yet, so when I looked out the window during class - thrill! 

Relativity Denied

We Distribute forward and Factor backward, Distribute forward, Factor back.  Out, back - out, back with no real applicable end in sight.  Let there at least be meaning in my suffering.  But no, we distribute/factor on, in mindless repitition.

His Girl Friday

Critical Movie Analysis of Leadership Practices

For my University Foundations 300 class

His Girl Friday

     The movie, His Girl Friday, is a screwball comedy made in 1940.  At first I didn’t think this production would be appropriate for our UF 300 assignment, but then I decided to watch it and see if I could find any immerging leadership patterns – even in a screwball comedy. 

     One of the main characters is Walter Burns (played by Cary Grant).  He is a hard core editor of The Morning Post, who was once married to the other main character, Hildy Johnson (played by Rosalind Russell).  She is a top notch reporter for the same newspaper.  The story begins as Hildy is telling Walter that she is quitting the paper to marry Bruce Baldwin, a rather bland insurance man.  She wants to leave the life of a crazy, fast paced newspaper and have a respectable life as a married lady, away from the city and away from Walter.  It is apparent that Hildy and Walter still have a rhythm and ease together that create the question from the very first scene, “Should these two people really part company?”

     I had watched this movie long ago and knew the general story, but this time I watched it looking for leaders and leadership qualities.  I was also curious on how the theme of strong women was handled, given that this was 1940.  I am quite sure there were only a few, if any female reporters at that time.  I assume it must have added to the comedy, to see an unrealistic character such as that.  But for my purposes, I wanted to see a female leader from that era. 

     The Mayor and the sheriff, who had the two traditional leadership titles, were the worst examples of leaders in the entire movie.  Again, I’m sure this was for comedy sake.  But strictly going by our readings, I would classify the Mayor and sheriff as having the Coercive Power style.  According to the book, “Exploring Leadership”, this kind of a leader can deliver negative consequences or remove positive consequences.  And indeed, in this movie, these two leaders accomplished what they wanted by coercion, bribes, and threats.  They went so far as to hind the fact of a reprieve of execution solely for reelection purposes.  Ultimately, their plan backfired, but it wasn’t from lack of trying.  I thought, if these two men were real leaders, I can’t image what a mess their organizations must be with those kinds of leadership skills.  Coercive power accomplishes change, but at great cost to the relationships of those involved.  And strong relationships are fundamental to a healthy organization. 

     The character of Walter Burns was certainly considered to be a leader by the others in the movie.  As an editor, he seemed to carry some clout; and in the hierarchy of a newspaper, he was above the myriad of reporters in the story.  I couldn’t help but think about the Leadership Theories in the chapter, The Changing Nature of Leadership.  According to this list, the generational concept of leadership in 1940 was the Trait Approach.  This theory took root in the early 1920s and lasted until almost 1950.  This was only the second generation of leadership traits, the first being the Great Man Approach, which is based on hereditary properties of leadership.

     If leadership abilities were not something someone was born with, then the next emerging theory (Trait Approach) was that it was from characteristics of those seen as leaders.  Some of these traits were intelligence, height, and self-confidence which is very apparent in both the character Walter Burns, and the actor who played him, Cary Grant.  It was believed that these characteristics made the leader.  And indeed, in the movie, that seems to be about all Burns had going for him.  Comedy aside, it was confusing to me because even though everyone seemed to admire him as a leader, I found his leadership skills appallingly lacking.  He manipulated, lied, and negatively used just about everyone in the movie to get what he wanted – a great story for his paper.  He was certainly not any kind of leader I would want to be near, let alone follow. 

     Now for Miss Hildegard Johnson, better known as Hildy.  As a 1940s female character, I certainly admire her.  Even if she does seem to want to give up a career she loves, to have a life that would include “no thought”.  I cut her a whole lot of slack given the era, and count her as a hero for being one of the first to address issues such as love, marriage, having babies, and careers.  These are conflicts women struggle with to this day. 

     It was most interesting to watch Hildy for leadership traits.  She was in a man’s world doing a man’s job, and yet everyone seemed to admire her.  I think part of that can be clarified by the French and Raven’s Bases of Power.  I think of her as a leader because she has Informational Power.  This is attributed to a person who has information that is not readily available, but which the group needs.  And it can often refer to highly effective verbal or written communication which is exactly what she had.  She was a very good reporter and they all knew it.  There is a scene where Hildy has typed out a news story, but has to suddenly exit the room.  She inadvertently leaves the story behind, still in the typewriter.  After she leaves, all the other reporters walk over to the desk where one reporter reads her story out loud, and they all admire its quality.  They respect her for her ability.   She is also seen as a more compassionate reporter than the rest, and they all genuinely like her.  She may not be their boss, but they all look up to her as a leader. 

     I found it interesting that those with the official leader roles were by far the worst leaders, and the people that no one admired.  And the least likely to be a leader – a woman in 1940 – was the person most respected and listened to.