I finally discovered why I am sitting in this circle. I’ve known I was supposed to be here even before the first day. But I didn’t know why. To sit with interesting people discussing interesting topics to be sure. But that’s easy to know. The deeper reason had to sneak up on me. I wish I could remember the name of the man who spoke my words. He was sitting two from my right. I don’t even remember the context of why he used them, but when he said them they shot through me like an explosion. I am here to learn to trust men. I honestly didn’t know I needed to do that, but of course now that I have heard the words I know that they are true and I know why they are true.
This past year I have completed at long last, the task of mucking through my own personal cesspool - a history of abuse, incest, and giving over my power to men in most ways conceivable. I am finally in a good and calm place. I feel clean and content. It would stand to reason that after clearing my stage, there would then come a time to add the good that should have been there all along, but never was. How did I think I could skip that part? Silly me. And so I thank the gentleman two seats down for giving me my words of truth that I can finally hear. And I thank all the ladies and gentlemen of the circle for creating a space where I can learn to trust men. Whatever that means, for I do not know.
This was my medicine.
I have recently joined a co-ed process group. Our main focus so far is exploring the differences and similarities of women and men.
