What have I been doing with my life? Am I really still sitting in this same dead-end job? I got an award this week from my company for being an employee for five years. I was shocked. When did that happen? I quickly added up the years in my head. With two plus years working remotely due to COVID, plus... Yep, it all added up to five. What was meant to be a little, easy job while I was going through the last couple of years of school has turned into what? A career? That was not the plan.
I graduated in December 2019 with a degree in leadership and dispute resolution. The plan was to take my shiny new degree and get a shiny new job, including an impressive, hefty new job title that would look stellar on a business card. Nobody puts, "Administrative Assistant" on a business card. And I'm old enough to know that the title actually means, "Secretary." Now, don't get me wrong, the secretaries of the world are the ones who actually make things happen. As my boss once said, if administrative assistants stopped pushing buttons, everything would come to a screeching halt. True, that!
While I'm proud of the work I do and I'm mega grateful for all that I have learned, this job doesn't thrill my soul. It doesn't even pique my interest. While it was the perfect job to help me focus on school and nest safely at home during COVID, it's now just plain boring.
I'm not still here in this job from lack of trying, mind you. I've done all of the good stuff one does when they are looking for a job - I won't bore you with the details. And more importantly to me, I have been in contact with Spirit the whole way. I don't just want a job, I want my life to be in flow. I want to follow my soul's purpose. A job that doesn't support my spiritual being, isn't worth it. It would just be distraction and ultimately frustration. Creating one's life while not in alignment with one's soul path is always fruitless. I know, I've tried.
Ultimately, I know that if I am asking for spiritual guidance on an issue and I'm still sitting in that issue, it can only mean one thing. It's exactly where I need to be. I know if I jump ship too soon and leave the intolerable event/job/relationship/etc., I will just recreate the scenario again until I learn the lesson I came to learn. I might as well just get it done here and now and save me a whole lot of trouble. I now ask myself the question, "What is left undone here?" Until I get an answer such as, "Nothing, you are done!" I stay the course and figure out why I'm still here and what is left for me to learn/heal.
This job got a whole lot more unbearable this past year as circumstances shifted and the planning/strategic problem solving part of my job went away. That was the fun part. And now I am left with the -filling out endless, redundant forms- part. I feel like I've been relegated to the Kid's Table where I have no voice and I'm expected to be quiet and behave. "Eat your carrots and don't make a fuss."
It was as if Spirit was saying, "You are missing something Susan and because we love you, and support who you are, and why you have come to the earth at this time, we are going to help you find it." Without a voice at work and without being allowed to participate in the conversations at the Adult Table, my life got very quiet. Honestly, does anything make us humans squirm more than sitting in our own silence? It was painful. Over time, I got there. A deep inner peace where I found a universe of discovery of who I am and why I am here. Who knew I would find it at the Kid's Table.
