I dreamt that I was ready. There was no hesitation, not even down to my inner core. At peace and excited, all the stuff you want to feel when you begin to create. A pure flow without old emotional wounds and fears rearing their ugly heads shouting the constant, "You can'ts!" and, "You are not enoughs" cacophony that so often accompanies the desire to be who we really are. Or even just to stick a toe into the waters of pure soul purpose.
Yes, there was distraction in the dream. People all around me were chaotic and seemed so immersed in things that had nothing to do with me and my creation. But not even that deterred me. I was blissfully focused on the birth of this creation at hand. And it was coming from my hands. I could feel the energy building ready to come forth. But I wasn't facing just right and it hampered the actual doing of it. I started to shift my body so I could get into a better angle, but it still wasn't adequate. And then the dream ended. Meaning, that's where I'm at folks. I'm bursting at the seams to be me at the most truest level, and I'm not quite there.
Oh, and how I feel it in my waking life. The signs and dreams and intuitive messages all tell me that I'm done with my current job. It has been a perfect staging area of learning and growing. It has given me a slew of new skills and abilities that sparkle on my resume. And it was the perfect easy place to weather out the two diverse storms of school and then COVID. And though I have been bored out of my skull for some time, I regret nothing and am overflowing with gratitude for the experience and for the people. Boring is an excellent place to be when you need brain cells for study, and a safe space while the world crumbles. Yet, I'm ready for a change. But nothing has changed.
Here's the deeper issue. As I'm working with advanced beings who are healing me and shifting me to a higher dimension, I find that I wonder, "What is it all for?" Oh boy, that's embarrassing to say out loud (or write it down as the case may be). As I have worked first with my Guides and Spirit Helpers, then add the Pleiadians, and now the Arcturians. What is there for me to complain about? Perhaps it's my ego kicking in. The voice in my head says, "Sure, you get healed and move on to a higher vibration, but then what? What's the point? Shouldn't I be doing something?" And I really shouldn't be saying that because I get a glimpse of the energy of these beings. There are no adequate words to describe them, but let's just go ahead and toss out a few: Unconditional love, freakishly advanced ability to heal, and unadulterated contentment. That's what I feel from them. They've got their shit together.
So, what's my problem? My problem is that I'm itching to do something (note dream above). The old paradigm is collapsing, the New Earth is emerging. There are some incredible, creative things happening out there right now. And what am I doing? Nothing. I have mad skills a plenty. Nothing. I have desire and ability. Nothing. I want to be helpful and purposeful. Nothing.
I am hyper aware that my old, unhealthy patterning was to be crazy busy to avoid my feelings and emotions - my drug of choice in my particular addiction. I could so easily jump back into that sort of action. But I won't, not any more. When I ask Spirit what I should be doing, I am told to get quiet and go within. So I do that, and that is where I find peace. What is a girl to do? I'm sitting Zen at the bottom of the cannon. Is someone going to lite the fuse or is this it? And if so, is this enough?
