Travel Log 7/12/2022: A Sliver of Yellowstone

I skirted into Yellowstone a bit as I was driving along highway 101. It's a shame that I can't explore the interior of that mysterious land but there has been major flooding this year and many of the main roads have been washed away.

I haven't been there since I was in my 20s - I'm going to call that a crime given the fact that I don't live very far from Yellowstone National Park. Trust me, it's back on my Bucket List and moving up fast in priority. Even on the parameter I could feel that the energy there is very special. Unique to say the least. I must return!

Travel Log: 7/12/2022: Leaving Bozeman Montana

I topped off the gas in Bozeman and headed south on highway 191. I love traveling. The only thing I really fear is running out of gas because I assumed it would be there when I needed it. To avoid that whole unpleasant scenario, I always make sure the tank is full when I don't know the road ahead. Especially backroads as I will be driving today. Gorgeous, but no gas stations.

A large ski resort area was recommended to me and because I was practically passing by their doorstep, it was my next stop. This ended up being a disconcerting experience for me - a first. I get really excited when I am near mountains. I always love to talk and hang with them. So, you can imagine my disappointment and confusion when I was told by Spirit and my Guides NOT to tune in or talk or even spend much time in this area. Energetically, this place is in bad shape. It's not just in need of an energetic fluff and buff. It's really evil stuff. Typically, my Guides ask me to clear this kind of negative energy. This is the first time ever I have walked away without doing a thing other than protecting myself the entire time I was there. It wasn't until I was way clear of that mountain range before I was allowed to talk to nature again. I'm not going to talk anymore about it here nor am I going to include any pictures of the place. I'll just trust that I am to move on.

What I know after today: I'm very sad when nature has been used for evil.

Travel Log 7/12/2022: Spider Wars

I’m packing and getting ready to leave my sister and brother-in-law's house.  My sister got sick (she’s better now) but we canceled our road trip to Tennessee so she could rest up.  In the meantime, I got a good rest of my own in a lovely home surrounded by nature (including a hiking path practically at their back door which I utilized once or twice a day).  It turned out to be just what I needed.  I leave today feeling peacefully rested and in the flow.  I’m not leaving too soon, nor have I outstayed my welcome.

As I’m In the bathroom packing up I see a medium sized spider.  I constantly get messages from nature and animals.  But long ago, I told the creatures of this world that I will not receive information from them if they are inside my house.  Spiders, ants, moths - you name it.  And if they come into my house, they have to leave.  If I can make that happen humanely, I will.  If not, then they will be moving on to their next life with my assistance.  I don’t abide critters in my house.  Outside is their domain and I gladly cohabitant with them in that beautiful way. I didn’t feel the need to move this spider along to its next incarnation.  But after the fourth time of seeing it in various locations within the bathroom, I decided there might be something there for me to know (technically Spider did not disregard my dictates as this isn’t my home).  Sure enough, there was a message from Spider.

As I settled in to receive the message, I flashed back to a memory from about 30 plus years ago when I was very first learning about energy and how it works.  My friend and I were taking some classes on how to read energy and how to move energy.  One day when we were talking about this, she saw a spider on the window and had the idea to push it around with energy.  We called it a game and named it Spider Wars.  She would push it one way and I would push it the other to see who was the strongest.  To this day, when I think of that experience I shudder in horror.  Could anything be more repugnant and disrespectful to life and the living?  

Other than never doing it again, I haven’t thought much more about it.  Not until this morning.  Tears came to my eyes as I thought about my participation that day.  Sure, I was naive and just starting to learn about such things.  At that time I had not yet met many of my good and ethical teachers that helped direct my path as a healer.  When I asked Spirit if there was something here for me to know or do, I had the feeling that it was time to make amends for my behavior that day.  I apologized to the spider and all of its kind for what I had done all of those years ago.  I realized in that moment that I had deeply buried remorse and with this apology I was able to let it all go.  I have such love for God and their creatures.  I will not use my gifts for ill.  The spider who stood in proxy for the spider kingdom accepted and forgave me.  I breathed and released that window of time in my life when I was careless and reckless with my God given gifts.  Thank you Spider for bringing that to my attention and for accepting my apology. 

What I know after today: I can be forgiven for stupid things I do.

Travel Log 7/11/2022: Staggering

It was one of those nights.  I got very little sleep and it's early morning now.  The upside of being an empath is that you know what's going on around you regarding the emotions of others.  The downside of being an empath is that you know what's going on around you regarding the emotions of others.  If we aren't careful and if we don't use good boundaries and helpful techniques to separate ourselves from the energies around us, it can get very overwhelming.  With all that I know and do on this front - and I am vigilant about not taking on other people's emotions - I can still get bombed.  With everything going on in the world right now, emotions are high to say the least.  Spirit tells me I need to be aware from time to time on how the world is feeling.  I stay in a state of peace and calm as best I can, so when those intense feelings hit it can be absolutely staggering.  I am in shock at how much turmoil the world is feeling.  When I ask Spirit if there is anything for me to do in those moments, I am usually told, "Nothing, just be aware of what's going on right now."  My heart goes out to the world.  My general recommendation is to seek healing, seek quiet, seek nature, seek loving family and friends.  We do not need to go this alone.

What I know after today:  I'm going to need a nap.   

Travel Log 7/9/2022: Dancing to REO Speedwagon

A bit of a memory lane situation last night.  My sister, brother-in-law, and I played board/card games.  I used to do that a lot back in the day and I loved it.  Note to self: "Susan, why don't you find some friends who like to play board/card games and bring that aspect back into your life?"  As I'm healing and coming out of my comatose style of living, my intention is to replace the mind-numbing activities for ones that promote connection and joy.  The real kind that makes you look back on an event with fondness and a smile - like I'm doing with our entertaining evening last night.  But wait, it gets better.

My sister and I grew up in a musical family of sorts.  Our parents loved to dance and taught ballroom dancing. My brother and I have fond memories of watching these lessons. (my two sisters were far too young at the time and had to go to bed - poor them)  Our dining room was the largest room in the house and so out went the dining table and chairs.  Under that was a massive oval shaped rag-rug that was promptly converted into a large sausage roll and shoved to the side of the room.  This made a cozy vantage point for my brother and I to sit and watch all the goings on.  Front row seats!

Most of my siblings and I were in band and choir.  When we were kids my dad put together a neighborhood band in which we all played.  His dad was a high school band teacher so I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  Music seemed always present in our home.  Who could forget the endless trek to the bottom of the Grand Canyon as we pretended to be donkeys on our hands and knees going round and round as we listened to the Grand Canyon Suite.  I can't hear that song now without going to a very happy place in my heart.  My abusive childhood was also peppered with bouts of laughter and joy.  I have found that no person (villain or saint) is all bad or all good.  My goal is to see clearly what is, and move closer to the joy of life.

Last night we were listening to records on my mom's old record player that my sister's son inherited.  He's the one that would always go down and listen to her records when he was at their house (I love when the right things go to the right people).  First we played a few of the very old records from our childhood.  I think I grew up eating and sleeping Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass - and no complaints.  They still make my soul soar.  But the one I hadn't heard in that many decades was Johnny Puleo and His Harmonica Gang.  Yep, that's what I grew up on.  I just assumed everyone did.  It did make me happy to hear them again, but we all agreed that too much of a good thing...  Seriously, as an adult listening to those jarring harmonicas galavanting full speed, that's an acquired taste I'm not sure is ever going to come around again for me.

Then on to the seventies and our teenage years.  Ah, the nostalgia of it all!  Music is a true time travel machine.  We focused on Styx and then REO Speedwagon.  My sister and I couldn't stand it anymore and we finally jumped up to dance to "Keep on Loving You."  It was a dual lyrical rendition with plenty of twirls and flourishes.  And I made sure not to skimp on the jazz hands.

And I'm gonna keep on lovin' you

'Cause it's the only thing I wanna do

I don't wanna sleep

I just wanna keep on lovin' you

What I know after today: I love to dance!

Travel Log 7/9/2022: Zebra Talk

I opened up my laptop and the screen showed a wonderful aerial photo of a group of zebras on the move.  It felt like there was a message there for me so I asked and sure enough, the zebras had something to say.  I have been getting messages this morning about how much my sister loves me and I love her.  This may not seem like much but with someone with an abuse history, feeling the love (even if it’s genuinely there) can be difficult.  That has been a main theme of my life’s journey and my healing path continues to bring me to a deeper and deeper sense of the love that surrounds me.  It is truly humbling and awe inspiring.  

This has also been an issue with my family at large.  I am the black sheep.  I left the norms of my family’s structure long ago.  Some have been more accepting of me than others.  I have come to peace with that.  I would rather be hated for who I am (real me) than loved for who I am not (fake me).  But an astounding miracle has happened.  I don’t know if it’s time passing or my perception has been off all along, but family members are opening up to me more and more.  Turns out, I am loved.  It was a beautiful reminder when the zebra's message told me, “I am in a herd that loves me.” 

I then looked up the spirit meaning of zebras.  If that doesn’t describe me, I don’t know what does. Turns out this black sheep is a zebra! 

• The zebra, as a spirit animal, is a representation of free spirit. It explains the fact that despite their social nature, they have never been tamed by humankind. It is not easy to force zebra spirit animal people to do something. They are quite energetic and free-spirited.

What I know after today: I'm okey with being a free spirit.

Travel Log 7/6/2022: The Rim

This afternoon I set out to get some juice for my sister and me.  She isn’t feeling well and I found a great place that makes the best juicer-juice.  Nothing but the veggies!  It would be a supportive boost for both of our immune systems - hers for healing and mine for guarding.  After the acquisition of juice and sundry items, I was heading back when Spirit told me to turn left… and keep going.  I traveled the better part of the valley.  It was a spectacular view of a long running rim of sandstone.  Eighty million years ago this was the shore of the Western Interior Seaway from Mexico to the Arctic North.  Now it’s a pretty view.  And this can be said from down below where I drove it’s length and also from up above where my sister and brother-in-law live.  I felt like Spirit was telling me it was important that I view the entirety of this particular land mass, which I did from end to end.  And then I headed back wondering if a land healing was in my near future.  Ya think?!

I settled in, laying on my bed looking out of the window at a stand of pine trees and listening to birdsong.  I called to the Nature of this place as I opened sacred space.   Completing layer after layer of healing on the land beneath me, this process finally took me to a very deep and dark place that I felt more than hesitant to approach.  I always ask permission to heal; my wise teachers taught me that long ago.  It’s basic healing 101 and it keeps us healers clear of our egos that might want to “fix everything” and tread where we do not belong.   This dark place felt like a cancer to me and a very different kind of healing all together, so I approached Mother Earth again and asked her if she wanted this healing to be done.  She shied back in horror and fear.  Ok, that freaked me out.  I have never seen Mother be anything but the wise, powerful being that she is.  I breathed deeply to center myself and I asked her what I felt drawn to say which was, “What is your fear about Mother?”   At first her answer was muddled with garbled words and pictures I could not understand.  But I sat with her and let her work out her frustration and fear.  Slowly a picture came to my mind of a horrible being from ancient times who implanted twelve of these black spheres all over the world. This was one of them and it felt like all things evil.  It has caused problems for her ever since.  After awhile, she agreed to have them healed.  My focus was on the one deep beneath me but when all was done I was told there would be a snowball effect and that all twelve sites around the world would be healed as well.  This was tough work but was done with the expert help of my powerful Spirit Helpers.  Both Mother Earth and I went into a deep sleep of rejuvenation after I was done. 

What I know after today: Mother is working through her shit just like the rest of us.

Travel Log 4/6/2022: Knowing Where I Belong and Why

My Office

I’m chilling at my sister and brother in law’s house.  It’s 5 a.m. -ish and I’m called outside to listen to bird song, feel the energies of the early morning movement, and to write.  I find that post leaving-the-day-job (a week and a half ago), I am ever slipping into a deeper sense of silence and peace.  As I progress through my decades-long healing march, I truly marvel at every plateau.  At each point as I look back, I see how very stressed I was.  When I think I can’t get any more calm, I do.  And looking back at the last plateau as I am doing now, I am shocked again to see how wound-up-tight I was.  No wonder my body shows all the signs of life-long chronic stress and pain.  But all of my body ailments, along with my nervous system, are all healing.  It’s been a slow crawl but it’s picking up speed.  I had a barometer moment yesterday when I looked down at my hip and leg and I realized that I like my hip and leg.  I felt quite comfortable in that moment with my body. Well, that’s new!

I hiked the lovely path below this deck last evening (see pic).  As I walked the trail, the land told me that I don’t belong here.  Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a threat or a “Get out of town!” sort of message.  It was just the truth.  I could feel that I was welcomed by the land as a visitor, but no more.  There is no connection for me here.  It’s a comfort really.  I do feel a connection at home.  I belong there.  I like talking with the land where I stand to see what’s up.  It knows.  It speaks truth.  I know where I belong and I know why I belong - this truth is ever unfolding in my awareness.  Last night was the next little memo: “You belong here for now.  When it is time to move on, you will know that too.  Enjoy the moment you are in, for it is perfect.”

What I know after today: I can feel comfortable in my skin and where I stand.

 

Travel Log 7/4/2022: Wisdom

Leaving Challis this morning, I headed north on highway 93 which meanders along the scenic Salmon River through the town of Salmon and then on up into Montana where I made a sharp right at a mountain summit onto highway 43.  As I came down into the lower valley I became the tail end of not one, but two small town fourth of July parades!  I’d almost forgotten it was the 4th.  A few people waved so I smiled and waved back.  What else was I to do?  I stopped in Wisdom Montana to find a coffee and a bathroom - not in that order.  They were so nice there.  I don’t know if it was because everyone was in a jovial holiday mood or that’s just the way they do things in Wisdom, but the people were friendly and the coffee was free!  I did ask how they got their name (one of the coolest town names I have ever heard).  I was told that Lewis and Clark traveled through this valley on their way to the Pacific Ocean.  They were happy with the decision of the then president of the United States, Thomas Jefferson, regarding the finalization of the Louisiana Purchase which included much of Montana.  They thought it a wise move so they named the river Wisdom and the town that came later took on the name as well. 

I’m on the freeway now and approaching big cities and dense civilizations.  I’m kind of sad about that. I’ve spent the last two days in rugged backcountry and I’m not feeling ready to leave it.  I kept telling Mother Earth how splendid she looks as I gawked at stunning scene after scene.  I am so in awe of her.  I have teared up more than once today by the sheer beauty of it all. 

What I know after today: We live on a magnificent planet. And, some people are nice even when they don't have to be.

Travel Log 7/3/2022: From Boise Idaho to Challis Idaho

Big road trip under way!  I'm meeting my sister in Montana and then we are driving to Tennessee!  I'm so ready to get out of town, and we will be driving through places I have never seen before.  I love to see new places and feel their energy.  I guess I should back up a bit and tell you that several days after I wrote the blog, "At the Kids Table" my dream job manifested into the 3D.  It checks all of the boxes.  This magic manifestation shit is real!  (More on that in a later blog.)  In the meantime, I will tell you that I have quit my day job and I couldn't be happier.  Along with my new dream job, I am also diving deep with my own business of 32 years as a healer, physic, teacher, mentor, and group facilitator.  Currently I have three online classes coming up and three groups that are happening - some online and some in person if you should happen to be in Boise Idaho.  I'm very excited about all of this as my business expresses my true soul's passion.  See my website for more details:

Intuitive Explorations with Susan Fullmer

And so, back to the road.  I left Boise on July 3rd heading north.  I moved to Idaho about eight years ago and for about that long, I have been wanting to explore the interior of Idaho.  If you haven't heard yet, it's an amazingly beautiful state.  It's also rugged and I was a bit scared to go it alone.  But the desire to see this land has never gone away and that tells me there is something there for me to do.  I even bought a map of Idaho and an atlas of the US.  We are talking paper here folks, old school.  But I love to look at the whole map at one time; leaning in for a closer observation without the map jumping all about, zooming in or out too far.  

My trip to Montana would take about ten and a half hours.  Ideally, I wanted to stop overnight somewhere at least at the halfway point, if not farther to shorten my drive on the second day.  But being the gal who dictates her life by what Spirit and her Guides tell her, no such luck.  I was most definitely told to stay in Challis.  So Challis it is.  I have no idea why, I just know that's where I need to be. 

• Later

I had made a reservation at a small motel in Challis.  The sign in the office stated for all to see, "We are not the Hilton, but we pride ourselves in having a clean place."  Hmmm, that didn't inspire confidence.  True to their word, it was clean and the spectacular 2nd floor view of the entire valley made up for the rest.  I had planned to go to the local hot springs, but the King of the Mountains told me not to go as the energy there would be harmful to me.  Did I mention that I met the King of the Mountains?  I was scanning my balcony view of the land, sensing why I was there and what I was to do.  Over the past decade or so I have been performing land healings which has helped to shift the energy of the planet - not to mention helping all of the beings living on the planet.  This turned out to be no exception.  As I intuitively scanned my balcony view, all of nature pointed me in the direction of one of the mountains where I sensed the "leader" of this land nestled within.  He introduced himself as the above mentioned title and asked for my help.  He said he would like a healing for the valley because the energy is not good - "It's not good for the nature and it's not good for the people."  I was honored to do so.  I went into my room and went into a deep meditation within sacred space.

I found the surface layer of the valley floor to be tainted, but this was no surprise.  The king was correct, it wasn't good and it was doing harm to all of the living things here.  I cleared it out with the help of my powerful Spirit Helpers.  But then the real work began.  As is so often the case when I am doing a healing, the surface layer of the taint is simply being used as camouflage for a greater evil beneath.  For this part of the healing, I was told to go into my heart where I found a beautiful, intricately carved, crystal sphere which I held in my hands.  I was then told to crush it which I did.  The light post-smash was magnificent and I sent it to the center of the earth.  This dissipated and released the deeper evil in the valley.  But it also affected the world.  The light shines brightly from the center of the earth now as it permeates out towards the surface.  My sense is that it will continue to grow in strength and reach.  

The next morning I was again taking in the magnificent view - sweeter now because of the cleansing.  I checked in with the king and to my surprise, he was now a she.  The valley had a queen.  I was told by Spirit that because of the imbalance of the old tainted energy, everything had been lopsided and now everything was turned upside down (in a good way - in a way of righting itself).  I was pondering on this and looking at her when she began to change again.  This time she shifted into the rest of the scenery.  She became one with it all.  There is no more hierarchy here in the valley.  All are equal and all are present.  For a moment I struggled to understand what I was seeing.  And then it dawned on me, it's a manifestation of all that we are moving into.  So the Aquarian Age. 

What I know after today: Things are truly changing on this planet. It is manifesting everywhere.

An All Night Journey with Archangel Metatron

I didn't really know him before last night.  I had done a few quick tune-ins from time to time when I had heard about him from others.  He seemed like a good guy - meaning, I liked his energy and he passed my "I'll hang out with you any day" test.  But I never really did.  For whatever reason, our paths never crossed in a significant way.  That all changed last night. 

My guides told me to go on a journey (shamanic) last night when I went to bed.  I never know where I will be going or what will happen on these journeys.  But I trust the process and I trust my Spirit Helpers and so when I get that message, I show up.  It's not easy to show up because it's usually about something beyond my comprehension that pushes me to my limits of understanding and belief. And in so doing, it helps me shatter those old understandings and beliefs as must happen for me to know all Truth.  And so off I went. 

Not only had I never officially met Metatron before, I had never been on an all night journey.  It was a night of firsts.  I slept off and on but every time I woke up, we were there together.  He spent the night teaching me and healing me (with my permission).  Thank goodness I don't need a conscious mind to learn on this level.  In fact, I think in some cases it gets in the way.  I was learning (and am still processing) some very deep information.  And my heart has a weight lifted; it feels light, in a way I have never known in this lift time.  When I visit it now - sitting in the middle of my heart chakra - it is shaded with all kinds of lovely pinks.  That's new!

But all of that isn't the weirdest part of this experience.  When the journey finally ended this morning, Metatron asked me to write about it here in this blog.  Typically, I keep the deep, personal stuff to myself.  I don't know why but perhaps someone, somewhere out there needs to read this.  I will say this.  This is NOT an exclusive club.  EVERYONE is welcome.  In quiet moments, sit with the desire to connect with your sacred, loving Spirit Helpers and they will come. 

At the Kid's Table

What have I been doing with my life? Am I really still sitting in this same dead-end job? I got an award this week from my company for being an employee for five years. I was shocked. When did that happen? I quickly added up the years in my head. With two plus years working remotely due to COVID, plus... Yep, it all added up to five. What was meant to be a little, easy job while I was going through the last couple of years of school has turned into what? A career? That was not the plan. 

I graduated in December 2019 with a degree in leadership and dispute resolution. The plan was to take my shiny new degree and get a shiny new job, including an impressive, hefty new job title that would look stellar on a business card. Nobody puts, "Administrative Assistant" on a business card. And I'm old enough to know that the title actually means, "Secretary." Now, don't get me wrong, the secretaries of the world are the ones who actually make things happen. As my boss once said, if administrative assistants stopped pushing buttons, everything would come to a screeching halt. True, that!   

While I'm proud of the work I do and I'm mega grateful for all that I have learned, this job doesn't thrill my soul. It doesn't even pique my interest. While it was the perfect job to help me focus on school and nest safely at home during COVID, it's now just plain boring. 

I'm not still here in this job from lack of trying, mind you. I've done all of the good stuff one does when they are looking for a job - I won't bore you with the details. And more importantly to me, I have been in contact with Spirit the whole way. I don't just want a job, I want my life to be in flow. I want to follow my soul's purpose. A job that doesn't support my spiritual being, isn't worth it. It would just be distraction and ultimately frustration. Creating one's life while not in alignment with one's soul path is always fruitless. I know, I've tried. 

Ultimately, I know that if I am asking for spiritual guidance on an issue and I'm still sitting in that issue, it can only mean one thing. It's exactly where I need to be. I know if I jump ship too soon and leave the intolerable event/job/relationship/etc., I will just recreate the scenario again until I learn the lesson I came to learn. I might as well just get it done here and now and save me a whole lot of trouble. I now ask myself the question, "What is left undone here?" Until I get an answer such as, "Nothing, you are done!" I stay the course and figure out why I'm still here and what is left for me to learn/heal. 

This job got a whole lot more unbearable this past year as circumstances shifted and the planning/strategic problem solving part of my job went away. That was the fun part.  And now I am left with the -filling out endless, redundant forms- part. I feel like I've been relegated to the Kid's Table where I have no voice and I'm expected to be quiet and behave. "Eat your carrots and don't make a fuss." 

It was as if Spirit was saying, "You are missing something Susan and because we love you, and support who you are, and why you have come to the earth at this time, we are going to help you find it." Without a voice at work and without being allowed to participate in the conversations at the Adult Table, my life got very quiet. Honestly, does anything make us humans squirm more than sitting in our own silence? It was painful. Over time, I got there. A deep inner peace where I found a universe of discovery of who I am and why I am here. Who knew I would find it at the Kid's Table.

How To - Ask for Help

Why is it so frickin hard to ask for help? Why does it seem that the more I actually need help, the harder it is to ask? After years of therapy, healing, and introspection, I could tell you my list of Whys. I won't bore you with the list as I'm sure those of you who resonate with this challenge have similar lists of your own. Let's assume for this post, that we are all working on healing those old emotional wounds that have held us back from healthy living, yet asking for help is still difficult.   

First of all, recognition that we need assistance can be a hard part of the process. Once we allow ourselves to know we need it, the next step is to simply ask. If it's hard to ask (for any reason), do it anyway. If you don't feel like you deserve it (for any reason), do it anyway. 

Who do we ask? Sometimes throwing spaghetti on the wall can be the best approach. Toss out a call for help and see what sticks. Help can come from surprising corners. If we predetermine where it has to come from, we limit our abundant universe and what it can provide for us. 

I find the more distressed I am, the less where-with-all I have to figure out the details of what I actually need and who could possibly help me. This is brain function in trauma 101. When we go into Fight -Flight-Freeze-Fawn Response our creative, problem solving brain takes a back seat. We can't write poetry while running from the saber tooth tiger. It's always best to have a plan before the crisis hits.

Are we limiting our requests for help from humans only? There is a vast universe of lovely beings out there who know us and love us. They are highly evolved and fully capable. If you are unfamiliar with them, learn who they are. These high vibrational beings are extremely respectful. They will always wait for our permission before helping us. All we have to do is ask. 

My Hermit's Cave

Like the hermit's of old, I have a cave of meditation. They would go into the deep, dark, dank earth for solace and solitude. In that quiet place they could go within themselves to find their connection with the Divine. I have been sitting in my house-cave for longer than the pandemic has been around. Two months before that hit, I graduated from Boise State University. School has a way of killing one's social life. So, between these two back to back life events, I've been sitting fairly quiet for the past five or six years, with the last two being especially still. An imposed vow of silence. What does Pema Chodron call it? I believe it's, "Hot Loneliness." It means being, "Pregnant with the desire to escape it." Now, doesn't that just hit the nail on the head! What can make us squirm more than our own company? 

As soon as COVID hit my awareness, I turned to my Wise Ones. What is this and what does it mean for me? All of the feedback I got was the same, "Go in and get quiet." Truth be told, I did not go gentle into that good night. I raged against what felt like death (and hey, "quiet" can lead to the death of the ego - so, yea I was fighting against death). So with much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth on my part, I stumbled along in pain. I would cry to my Wise Ones, "Why?!" And again and again the answer would not waver, "Go in and get quiet." So I stepped up my yoga and my meditation, inching my way to a calmer state. And that is where I am at today - a calmer state. I no longer hate my cave of isolation. In fact, I cherish it and I look forward to my quiet movements and meditations. And best of all, no deep, dark, dank, dirt floors for me. My hermit's cave has a chandelier.  

The good, the bad, and the ugly

New ETs keep coming in. I was introduced to a new group a few nights ago and holy cow, talk about powerful! The high vibration of these folks would knock your socks off. I so enjoy being in their company. It seems something big is about to happen on our planet but I don't have the details. How can the world not feel this? My guess is more and more humans are catching on. My only suggestion here is to pay attention to the vibrational energy of the extraterrestrials you are dealing with; There are the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

Four Stones

Four stones which had fit nicely in the palm of my hand, are gone now. I had already planned on taking them back to Mother Earth as they had recently told me that's where they wanted to go now - one specifically wanted to be in water. When they heard I was going to the zoo a couple of days ago, they asked me to take them along. I said, "Of course." 

It's hard letting go of friends. I'm talking about all varieties: Stones, helping spirits, humans. But I have learned that when it's time to part ways, holding tightly does not feel better in the end. Best to go with the flow of life and let it be. Actually, it's a great argument for living in the moment, cuz that's all we've got folks. And in the next moment if our friend is gone, we can be at peace that we had not squandered our time with them.

These particular stones had been with me for some time; they were acquired along my life's journey. But I have long known that I do not possess my friends (of any variety). When they show me it's time to move along, I trust them. These four friends are at the zoo now spreading their magnificent energy in the little stream that runs through that sacred place with its sacred inhabitants. I love you friends. Thank you for the time we spent together. 

Conversations at the Zoo

The 100 year old tortoise is sick. I know this because he told me, "I don't feel good." But this was no surprise as the sign posted at his zoo exhibit states, "Under Veterinarian Observation." Poor guy. Another sign told me that this kind of tortoise can live up to 250 years. So maybe not an old age thing? Maybe a captivity thing? I have mixed emotions about keeping animals in zoos. For years I couldn't go to zoos because I could feel that many of the animals weren't happy. But I have been drawn to the zoo a few times in recent years. Thankfully, I have a local zoo that treats their animals well. At least the message I get from most of the animals is that they feel taken care of, though some miss the freedom of the open. But they also tell me on a soul level this is what they chose. I don't understand all of that, but I'll go with it. I know that for me personally, the ability to see such spectacular beasts is awe inspiring. To speak with them face to face is a humbling honor. 

This morning, Spirit told me to go to the zoo. I hadn't been there in a while and I was excited to see my friends. The snow leopards in particular were an initial, integral connection with the extraterrestrials I have been working with these past couple of years. I have such a deep love and reverence for these magnificent cats that I cannot even put it into words. Plus they are gorgeous. That long, heavy tail gets me every time. 

Speaking of snow leopards, we have two. The male said he was okey-dokey (my exact works, not his). But the female was not ok. Chatting with her she told me she was troubled because she wanted to have a baby. I asked her why she couldn't have a baby and she gave me some vague, fearful answer about how she thought the humans would take it away and do it harm so she would not allow herself to get pregnant. Now, I don't have any knowledge about zoo policy on such things, but I suspected she didn't have the right of it. But I also didn't want to lie to her. Do zoos take away snow leopards' babies? Geesh, how do I get myself in such predicaments? I asked Spirit to give me the right words and said, "The zoo humans will treat your baby as well as they treat you." She contemplated that for awhile, and by the time I left it felt like she saw the situation in a whole new light and was ready to have a baby. At this point the male got up and started to pace back and forth, back and forth. I'm thinking, one gets settled and now the other's not at peace. Now what? He said, "I'm going to be a father soon." Excited? Nervous? Probably both. 

I had many wonderful conversations today. And I'm quite pleased to say that the tortoise agreed to the healing that I offered. As always, my Guides and Spirit Helpers did the lion share of the healing (zoo reference - I crack myself up). I could never do it without their help. I am forever grateful. 

How To - Get a "yes" or "no" answer from your body

This technique is used when the answer to your question is going to be a simple "yes" or "no" answer. I use this on a near daily basis with anything from, "What do I want to order on the menu?" to "Do I want to take this job?" Let me break this down a little bit. 

Our body is wise. It is in cahoots with our soul. They know who we are and why we are here. And best of all, they know how we can get there! Choices. Do we go left or do we go right? The answer to that question is always going to depend on who we ask and what their agenda is. Everyone has an agenda, even if they are not clear about it. (hint: just because people are operating from their own unclear agenda, our intuitive abilities can see clearly the What and the Why and then we can act accordingly - just because other people are muddled, that doesn't mean that we need to be)

The real question is, what do we want to know and whose agenda do we want to use? To explain this technique, I will use me as an example. My clear and consistent agenda is, I want to make my decisions (all decisions) based on what is best for me, my soul's purpose, and my body. (hint: they are all the same) One may think that something like choosing food at a restaurant may not be as weighty as Soul Business, but I disagree. Everything I do is Soul Business. You may also think that if I tune into what my body/soul wants at a restaurant or at the grocery store, that I will always be told to get super healthy food. Sometimes that is true, but not always. When I started to do this I was shocked that sometimes my body wanted a specific treat. Granted, most of the treats I was told to get were on the healthier side but not always. I came to realize that I was thrilled with these decisions. It was truly what I wanted. I felt joy. I'm using a food example here because for me, this was always a minefield. With my abuse history, food and weight were my escape from the emotional pain. Listening to my body was something that I didn't really start doing until I was in my 50s. This technique has helped me know what my body truly wants and how to feel joy about my decisions. But this is only one example, this technique can be used for any decision making process. 

HOW TO: Get quiet and pay attention to how your body feels and how it reacts when you say certain statements out loud. Have a short list of statements to which you know the answer is a definite "yes" or "no." For example, "I like the color indigo blue." Now practice. It's that simple. Once you think you know how your body is reacting to the statements try the same thing in question form. For example, "Do I like the color indigo blue? The more you do this, the stronger you will feel and recognize your body's answer/response. I have found that whatever that response is, it will stay consistent. I have done this for many years and mine has never changed. 

I have found when teaching this technique over the years, that everyone's response is different. You may feel different sensations in different parts of your body. Figure out what your unique signal is. For example, for me, I feel a rising in my torso for a "yes" and a sinking in my torso for a "no." I once met someone that had the exact opposite than me -  a sinking feeling in their gut for a "yes" and a rising feeling for a "no."  

Hint about your practice statements: Be careful that you are using a clear "yes" or "no" statement. For example, I could say, "I like ice cream." The truth is, I love the taste of ice cream, but I am allergic to dairy and it makes me sick. You can see how that statement might cause some confusion in the answer. Stick with statements that are simple and true on all levels.