I’m packing and getting ready to leave my sister and brother-in-law's house. My sister got sick (she’s better now) but we canceled our road trip to Tennessee so she could rest up. In the meantime, I got a good rest of my own in a lovely home surrounded by nature (including a hiking path practically at their back door which I utilized once or twice a day). It turned out to be just what I needed. I leave today feeling peacefully rested and in the flow. I’m not leaving too soon, nor have I outstayed my welcome.
As I’m In the bathroom packing up I see a medium sized spider. I constantly get messages from nature and animals. But long ago, I told the creatures of this world that I will not receive information from them if they are inside my house. Spiders, ants, moths - you name it. And if they come into my house, they have to leave. If I can make that happen humanely, I will. If not, then they will be moving on to their next life with my assistance. I don’t abide critters in my house. Outside is their domain and I gladly cohabitant with them in that beautiful way. I didn’t feel the need to move this spider along to its next incarnation. But after the fourth time of seeing it in various locations within the bathroom, I decided there might be something there for me to know (technically Spider did not disregard my dictates as this isn’t my home). Sure enough, there was a message from Spider.
As I settled in to receive the message, I flashed back to a memory from about 30 plus years ago when I was very first learning about energy and how it works. My friend and I were taking some classes on how to read energy and how to move energy. One day when we were talking about this, she saw a spider on the window and had the idea to push it around with energy. We called it a game and named it Spider Wars. She would push it one way and I would push it the other to see who was the strongest. To this day, when I think of that experience I shudder in horror. Could anything be more repugnant and disrespectful to life and the living?
Other than never doing it again, I haven’t thought much more about it. Not until this morning. Tears came to my eyes as I thought about my participation that day. Sure, I was naive and just starting to learn about such things. At that time I had not yet met many of my good and ethical teachers that helped direct my path as a healer. When I asked Spirit if there was something here for me to know or do, I had the feeling that it was time to make amends for my behavior that day. I apologized to the spider and all of its kind for what I had done all of those years ago. I realized in that moment that I had deeply buried remorse and with this apology I was able to let it all go. I have such love for God and their creatures. I will not use my gifts for ill. The spider who stood in proxy for the spider kingdom accepted and forgave me. I breathed and released that window of time in my life when I was careless and reckless with my God given gifts. Thank you Spider for bringing that to my attention and for accepting my apology.
What I know after today: I can be forgiven for stupid things I do.
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