UF 300 Discussion Board
Understanding Others
2/22/16
• Have
you had an experience that challenged and/or threatened your
"framework"? What did you do? Did you change because of
it or did you opt not to?
Many,
many years ago when my son was two weeks old, I found out that my then husband,
was gay. This was back in the 1980s when
NO ONE was openly talking about the gay issue, not to mention the issue of
being married to one. I had been brought
up in an extremely conservative family and community that believes fervently,
that gay people choose to be gay, and are sinners. In fact, being gay is about the worst thing
you could do in life. In the
conversations I remember back in the day, it vied with the number one sin of
being a murderer. There is a famous
(infamous) quote by one of their beloved leaders stating, it would be better
that they kill themselves, than for someone to be a homosexual. This was the world into which I was thrust,
an experience that ripped me into many pieces.
I had hardly even heard the word “gay” before my husband disclosed this
information to me.
I knew that my husband was a good man and
father, so the information I got just didn’t make any sense. During that experience I remember visually
having a picture come to me one day. I
was standing at a fork in the road. To
the right of me lay the difficult path of discovery – what was this thing that
had destroyed my family and my life? On
the path to the left I could plainly see myself with my head buried in the
sand, going nowhere. I went right.
This decision eventually took me away from
my community, and for a time, my family.
It was a path of actually talking to gay people, asking them their
story. From this experience, I got a
much different version than what I had always been told. I also heard horrific stories like the man that had been stabbed in the back while walking on the sidewalk, just
because he was gay. I met another man
who has a tombstone erected by his family.
They disowned him and created a grave for him when he told them he was
gay. I learned of more stories as I
started local and then a national organization for spouses, partners and ex-partners
of gays and lesbians. So much heartbreak
and sorrow. I was even on talk shows
trying to get out accurate information on the subject: Geraldo, Sally Jessie Rafael, and Oprah. I have now talked to hundreds of people
dealing with the gay issue. I came to know homosexuals for the people they are,
and not by the misconceptions spouted by people who had never even talked to
them! And I now, of course, enjoy a rich
life full of all kinds of diversity! I
wouldn’t have it any other way.
As I was reading chapter five in,
“Exploring Leadership”, I realized that the six stages of the Developmental
Model of Intercultural Sensitivity, described my path to a tee: Denial of Difference, Defense against
Difference, Minimization of Difference, Acceptance of Difference, Adaptation to
Difference, and Integration of Difference.
Yep, I do believe I experienced them all.
• What
is the connection between microaggressions and working toward cultural
sensitivity? (pages 202-216) Have you ever been the recipient of
some form of "microaggression"?
I have had some microagression in my life,
but it is so minor that I am not even going to mention it here. Instead, I want to say that as I have become more
culturally sensitive, and have talked to people of different cultures, I was initially
shocked at how much this goes on. And sadly,
how much I, myself, have participated in it over the years. I can say that I probably have never
knowingly given microassaults which are often conscious, explicit racial
derogations. Perhaps because I am not
the kind of person to do so, I was heartbreakingly dismayed when I learned that
I was most certainly giving microinvalidations. These are often unconscious
communications that excludes, negates, or even nullifies someone from a
different culture.
As I seek out diversity, I ask how I can be
more sensitive to a culture. Education
is the key. I’m not going to say
specific things I have learned here, because I’m not going to pretend that I am
an expert in any culture other than my own.
But I will say that I find that if you ask someone sincerely about their
culture, they will often tell you what works and does not work for them. In addition, I think the Diversity Office on
campus is a wonderful resource for this.
One example, was a “fashion show” they put on last fall that showed
cultural appropriation in Halloween costumes.
Very enlightening. I wished
everyone could have seen it. I do not
want to, for example, wear a feather in my hair and wear an Indian costume
because it is rightly offensive to the Native American population. I shudder to think how much we offend other
cultures by our (my) sheer ignorance.
• Brene
Brown offers many interesting tidbits in her TED Talk! To you, what stood
out as key to the role vulnerability plays, or MUST play, in our lives?
What is the connection between vulnerability and empathy or compassion?
I am a huge fan of Ms. Brown. In this particular talk I love the following
three lines:
1.
“Design
is a function of connection.” I had
never thought of that before. She is
speaking of creativity which can be applied to anything. Personally, I apply it to leadership, which
is something I will pursue after graduation.
I had not thought about creativity being a function of connection, but
it makes perfect sense. And I know that
connection is imperative in leadership.
2.
“There
is nothing more vulnerable than creativity”.
How many times have we said, “no” to something we really want to do,
because we are scared? I think the
beauty of her over all message, is that we can and must go past our fear.
3.
“What
is art if it is not love?” That one gets
me at my core. I’ve always been lead to
believe that art is inferior some how – it’s not that important to society as
say, making money. I know that’s not
true, but this statement makes me realize why.
Ms.
Brown says that one must be vulnerable in order to have true empathy and compassion. She calls it a vulnerable choice because
empathy has the following elements:
1.
Perspective
taking
2.
Staying
out of judgment
3.
Recognizing
emotion in other people
4.
Feeling
with people.
She states, that rarely can a response
make something better. What makes
something better is connection.
And I’m throwing this quote in for
fun. “Don't
try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer.”
― Brené Brown, Daring
Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love,
Parent, and Lead
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