Layer upon layer

I woke up remembering a dream I had last night and I thought I would share.

Dream - Inside Out Pants

I was in charge of getting tickets to a play for a group activity. These were people that I didn't know very well, but I belonged to their social club. In the dream, I was only semi organized (which isn't like me at all! I'm highly organized, especially when planning an event of any kind - I've run too many classes, workshops and retreats to be a slouch in this area). Instead of being early, I showed up at the last minute. I hadn't given myself time to dress so I was mismatched and my pants were inside out. I didn't really talk to anyone while I was there. I was in "make it happen" mode and got everyone where they needed to go. But I wasn't enjoying myself and it didn't even occur to me that I could be having a good time. At the last minute, an unpleasant family obligation came up for me and I bailed on going to the play myself. Again, I was going through the motions of socializing, but missing the mark. 

Interpretation of the dream

I have recently made a stab at joining a social group. My attempt pretty much runs the gamut of the dream. Although I have NEVER turned up to an event with my pants inside out! I do however skirt the perimeter, never really going deep with anyone or anything. It's just what I do. And it's just what I have done for most of my life, as far back as I can remember. 

I know where some of this comes from. The sexual abuse in my childhood has made me feel unlovable and unknowable. Plus, if they really knew about me, they would shun me so why not just save them the need to do it (and save me the humiliation of being rejected). I became aware of this pattern a decade or so ago when my painful, childhood memories started to surface. Ten plus years, intense therapy, and many energy healings later, I understand clearly why I do this. And in truth, I have come a long way from the friendly loner I have always been. I think most people I have known over the years might be surprised to know how much I have been holding back in relationships and connections of any kind. But I know. 

It can be frustrating to do so much healing work... and still have the SAME DAMN ISSUES! But I get it now. Wounding happens layer upon layer and healing is incremental. Why? I have asked myself that question many a time. I think it's because that's all I can handle. Change can be difficult on all levels: physical, emotional, energetic. And healing equates change. 

After I interpreted the dream this morning, I realized there was a healing there if I wanted it. One of the things I do now after I interpret my dreams is to ask, "How can this picture change for the better?" The dream picture of disconnection and loneliness morphed into a beautiful, pink energy of love. It felt right, down to my bones. I called on the Pleiadians to help me and they gladly offered to give me healing. And they did.