The Gay Girl Converts to Witchcraft

     I went to a poetry slam last night and there was a guest poetry writer.  Lydia Havens read some of her poetry and I was moved.  I ended up buying her book.  I'm going to share a couple of her poems here for your enjoyment, and because her words are important.

The Gay Girl Converts to Witchcraft

by Lydia Havens

I swallowed the weather long ago,
like it was a lemon drop.  I cast
a hex against every person
who had hurt me when I came out
in middle school, and every cloud
came flying into my mouth.

Maybe they mistook me for a bird.
Maybe this was my calling, to mix
sea water with black candle wax
and old paper to get my revenge.
I have so much anger, it could
overflow across the entirety
of California.  I am the flash flood,
no warning.  I am a deserted
force of nature.

In seventh grade, I told one girl I
was not attracted to boys, and it
left a million scars.  Boys left
bastardized Bible Psalms in my locker,
until I forgot my combination.  Girls
I had never even talked to before
asked if I had crushes on them, until
I started eating my lunch in the bathroom.

Then, at last, I finally became
all the right kinds of shadow,
all the right kinds of ugly,
but middle school was long over,
and I was long gone.

When I discovered just how powerful
I could be with spells between
my teeth, my body became greedy
for magick - the healing kind.
The wary kind.  That's how I've lived
my life, after all, patching up my own
wounds and never trusting anybody,
or anything.

I swallowed the weather long ago,
and it didn't change the world.  It didn't
change my world, really.  I sit in
my bedroom with my seashells
and rain, concoct until the sun rises
with my lungs.  Sometimes, I am as bitter
as milk thistle.  Other times,
I am brimming with forgiveness,
swallowing my knees and pulling
apologies out like teeth.

Once, my father teased me, asked if
I was a good witch, or a bad witch.

I just shrugged.  But I wanted to reply,
I'm only the witch I needed years ago.

     This one brought me to tears.  It's called Smart Girls.  Because of my own hellacious school experience due to having dyslexia, I related to this poem.  Here it is on You Tube.

Smart Girls

by Lydia Havens