Energetically, constipation is about not letting go of things in our life that are natural and beneficial to release. Our bodies are wise and are constantly giving us information about our health and well being, if we would just get quiet and listen. As I lay in bed tonight I decide to face this constipation message that I have been ignoring. It’s amazing the pain and discomfort I live with when I’m not paying attention. Now that I’m noticing it, I am having abdominal pain, bloating, and I’m nearly to the feeling of nausea. What don’t I want to let go? I’m going to make a wild guess here and say, “my addictive behaviors”. No shit Sherlock. Fine, but I can feel that there is specific and helpful information here beyond that. And I can also feel my intense resistance to knowing it.
With effort, and stops and starts, my journey begins. I ask my Guides, “What is this about?” They tell me to ask my gut. I can’t, because there is so much resistance. Breathe. Refocus. I tell myself, “I can do this.” I am also aware from past experiences that the more resistance I feel, the more important the truth is that awaits to be seen. And the more likely that that specific truth will be a life changer. Hence the resistance - fear of change.
Eventually I get there, and I’m in conversation with my gut. It shows me an image of a baby in uteral. What? I wonder if this is symbolic. Much of what I get in the healing work I do is symbolic. Does this mean the birth of something? An idea? A way of life? Get out of your head Susan! The trick is to disengage the brain and to simply feel and experience. I then realize that the fetus is me; my answer lies there. I am to merge with myself when I was an unborn child. Again with much difficulty, I do so.
Immediately, I feel rage. I am completely aware of the life I have chosen to be born into for this incarnation. I know that I will be abused and not protected from this abuse and I am angry. Oh, so angry! But here’s the kicker. The thing I am most angry about is that this abuse will encase my heart and send me on a trajectory of isolation. This track will not allow the natural flow of love to penetrate in and out of my hidden heart. And that is why I am so upset. Under the layer of anger is deep sorrow. I spend time here with angst and tears and a myriad of emotions.
After a time, I see that there is one more layer. Under all that I have seen and felt, the last layer the fetus shows me is a great hope. What will be emerging from this lifetime now, is radiant light and love.
___________________________________________________
Sandy's Response:
Ah, like my question about your chaos card! “What don’t I want to let go?” You’re having chaos, but it’s for your benefit, so you can let things go, like addictive behaviors and feelings. The AA book says,
“We, in our turn, sought the same [as a fellow addict who became sober] escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a
flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, “a design for living’’ that really works.”
My sponsor told me often, “It takes what it takes.” And, if it’s chaos (or feeling like drowning), then so be it.
Beautiful writing. :) I love when you process with the written word. It seems to flow out of you, like the truth is there, just needing an avenue to come out. Embrace that last layer of hope. You’ve discovered it by moving through the others and it’s yours to keep now.
___________________________________________________
Susan’s Response:
Blub blub blub
No comments:
Post a Comment