Matt Damon's math

     Ok, I'm getting to some really heavy stuff now.  Here's an example:

-5(-5v-u+3)

     And here's the crazy thing.  I can do it!  It takes me awhile, and I sort of have to talk out loud, step by step, to get me through it, but I can do it.  So, no surprise that when I get a wrong answer, it's not because I don't know how to do the formula, it because I missed something simple, like I forget to carry over the "v" as I am working it out.  Or I change the "+" sign to a "x" sign by mistake.  Dyslexia?  Hmmm, I'm not sure.  

     I've been sitting here thinking about this.  Details.  Why do I miss them?  And I've done it my whole life.  Boy, has that gotten me into some hot water on so many levels.  But there is one place in my life that I don't miss them, at all.  And that's in my healing work.  It's difficult to put into words because for me, it's not a language art.  I get pictures, colors, emotions, stories - yes, yes, yes, yes.  But seldom vocabulary.  But a good healer isn't worth her weight in salt if she can't translate what's going on.  So here goes.  Healing for me is this huge, moving ball, full of parts and pieces, hidden layers, and sometimes deep, deep kernels of black stuff thats just gotta go.  Talk about nuance!  When I'm doing my best work, I get to it all.  No that's not right.  I get to all of it, that's important.  I can discern what needs attention and what doesn't.  And I'm relentless.  I go until it's done.  Which means, I find even the most hidden detail.  If I didn't pay attention to the deep details, it would just be another nice auric fluff and buff.  What's the point?  Sometimes I think about my healing work in the same way that Matt Damon does math in the movie, "Good Will Hunting".  I have no idea if I'm that good, but I don't hear anyone else talking about what I'm doing or experiencing these days.  And my work is evolving.  Last weekend I did energy work at an annual retreat for women with cancer.  This is my second year volunteering with them and it was again, an amazing experience, and a honor to be there.  My work went to a depth that I have never experienced before.  I guess sometimes words really can't describe.    

     So if I can be that detailed oriented in my healing work, why can't I do it in math?  There is a truth there for me, I can feel it.  It's as if I'm on the brink of something important.  I will sit with this and see what unfolds.