The Metamorphosis Card

   

     As mentioned in the last post (A Semi Silent Sob in a Stall), I'm having a rough week.  Have you ever noticed that when something big is coming up, it's just too hard to acknowledge the big thing - so you sort of perseverate and get pissed off about something smaller and more manageable?  No?  Well, I do it all that time.  But I do give myself extra points for clarity, I am now generally able to notice this phenomena more quickly.  Through this week's funk, however, it's taken me a bit longer.  My main perseveration topic for this week has been "math".  I finally realized what was going on last night, when I was having problems doing my math homework (not unusual, I might add).  I was so angry that I was hitting the desk loud enough that the neighbors could (probably) hear.  If you knew me, you would know that I don't do that.  Anger management isn't typically an issue for me, but I was so angry last night that I felt like I was going to explode.  This has been such an emotionally difficult week of being two steps behind in everything and just feeling off.  The whole situation finally caught my attention last night when I realized that I was going to break something, and/or have the police called on me, if I didn't get it together.

     I have many forms of divination that I use to get clear about my world.  Early on, I kept getting slapped up side the head by life.  Crazy situations that crept up on me, and laid me flat.  Afterward I would think, how did I not know that was happening?  These repeating occurrences finally sent me on a path of seeking to know and see truth around me and most especially, within me.  I now have tried and true methods of intuiting truth for myself and for others.  I continually work to improve these methods, and I anticipate this being a life long endeavor.  Long story short, I don't get slapped anymore.  But from time to time, I do get nudged - this week being an example.

     I knew something was brewing.  It's been a steady build all week.  I've been taking it out on math. It was the easy target - and deserving in so many ways.  I'm feeling REALLY frustrated with math, but I'll set that aside for now so I can focus on the more important issue.

     I've finally calmed down enough to do a reading this morning using the oracle cards, The Enchanted Map, by Colette Barron-Reid.  I have several divination decks, but this one is my favorite - such wise words!  I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when I drew the "Metamorphosis" card.  My questions was, "Give me clarity on this angst I'm feeling".

     As a bit of background, I have been working very hard on healing and releasing old unwanted patterns.  These patterns keep me small...in so many ways.  With the healings, I have been seeing positive, incremental changes in myself, but lately there seems to be a snow ball effect going on.  Energetically, it feels like I'm ready to break loose.  I have no idea what that's going to look like, and naturally I am feeling a great deal of fear about it.  That's why we humans don't change as much as we say we want to.  Going from point A to point B feels terrifying because we don't really know what point B looks and feels like.  We've never been there before.  Therefore, it feels safer to stick with icky A and complain about not having wonderful B.  I combat this resistance within myself by allowing myself to feel the fear, and just go ahead and take the next step anyway.  Yikes, I have yet to feel comfort with this process, but I now know it takes me to a positive outcome - always.  I really don't know what B looks like, but I know that's where I'm headed.  I know that's where I want to go.  Let me share some of the beautiful words of the Metamorphosis card which has reminded me this morning of what I am doing, and what I really want.  Thank you Colette Baron-Reid for these truths.

     The Metamorphosis Card

• Butterflies earn their wings through great effort.  The process of change is often painful, for it is never without losses and sacrifices.
• If you are to transform from one form to another, a part of you needs to die.
• Letting go isn't easy, especially when you're used to thinking a certain way about your life and how you live it.
• Just as a snake sheds it's dead skin, or a caterpillar "dies" so that a butterfly can be born, you're required to release your old ideas and embrace a necessary change so you can live your best life.
• Perhaps you're being asked to let go of low self-worth, a dream that no longer serves you, a relationship that is draining, or unhealthy habits.  
• Despite your fear, you must accept that this is a transformational time for you.  
• There will be some loss involved, but you'll love what you become.